Kids humor

Momma: Miriam it's time to put on your pajamas.
Miriam in the middle of the weeping and whaling that ensued: I'm NOOOOOOT happy!!!
Really? I would never have guessed!

Heard over and over as Miriam circled the extension cord: It's not a toy, It's not a toy!!

The scene: Kitchen table, Momma has just scolded Miriam for smearing peanut butter all over the table.
Miriam: It's NOT funny!
Momma: Well, I am certainly not laughing!
Miriam: I'm not laughing either!

The scene: Miriam and Evan are playing with the train set
Evan: WAHHHHH! SISSY!! CHOOCHOO!!! WAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
Momma: Miriam, why did you take Evan's train track when there is a whole pile here?
Miriam: Because Evan needs to share with me!
Oy!

First a big thank you to all who have been so encouraging and have kept us in your thoughts and prayers. I'm doing ok... mostly. The right thing isn't always easy and it doesn't always *feel* right. So while I know we made the right decision I still feel really sad sometimes too.

However, I am very thankful for the two beautiful children I have. They are so sweet and WAY too cute, not that I'm bias or anything!  So in their honor a few recent funnies:

Momma was busy raking up leaves and Miriam was busy trying to play in them. A frustrated Miriam ask, "Momma, can you play somewhere else please?"

Miriam during a recent infestation of gnats: "Momma, I'm going to use the 'fly water' to hit the flies!"

Poor Evan.  He learned his first lesson about female behavior today.

Miriam woke up today rather grumpy.  Evan had two books of hers and was running around with them.  I asked him to return them to her room where they belong.  As he was doing this, she called after him, "One book, Please!!"  He kept going and yelled "NO!!" over his shoulder.  Immediately, she turned on the tears... full out fake crying!  Poor Evan fell for it.  He came back and offered her both books. While she DID stop crying, she humphed and turned away refusing to take either book.  Evan offered each book in turn and each time she humphed and turned away.  Poor Evan. He looked at me with a look of complete confusion and exasperation.  Sorry dude... it just gets worse.  As your father said, "You're never going to understand and you're rarely going to win!" (Hummm... should I be offended by that???)

Miriam after hearing "Jack and the Beanstalk": "I'm a giant!! Three! Five! Four!"

Momma: "Fee Fi Foe Fum?"

Miriam: "NO, NO, NO!! Three! Five! Four!!!"

Miriam to Momma: "You can cry, and I can be a dinosaur!"

This morning I got the kids their morning cup of juice... they only get one cup of juice a day.  They weren't drinking as much as usual, but I didn't really think about it.  At breakfast, Miriam started complaining about it and saying "It burns!" I told her it wasn't hot but she kept insisting it "burns".  So I took the cup and smelled it.  Yeah, smelled a bit off, so I took a drink. UUUUHHHH!  Good.

Miriam saw a rake the other day.  Not remembering what it was called she came up with a new name: leaf fighter.  Love it!

Miriam sobbing: "My brain hurts!! My brain hurts!" while rubbing her knee.

While Evan was getting a much needed diaper change, Miriam kept rubbing a pen cap in his hair which upset him.  Momma asked her to stop.  Miriam replied, "I have to color Evan's hair!"

Conversation with Miriam last week.

Miriam: "Who this?" (points to self)

Mommy: "Miriam?"

Miriam: "No!  I Sissy! That's Brother." (points to Evan)

Mommy: "That's right Miriam.  Evan is your little brother and you are his big sister."

Mommy: "Do you want a little sister?"

Miriam: (pause) "Not really." 

Miriam and Evan created an interesting game tonight. Miriam would fall over and then call out "Evan, you get up." Evan would run over to her, grab her by the shoulders, and while saying "Up, up, up, up" would pull her to her feet. Miriam would then fall over again, and it all repeated. After about the 6th time of hauling his sister to her feet, Evan looked at me and heaved a loud sigh. It was all way too cute. And I still can't believe he actually was able to get pull her up!

You know it's a bad day when your stuffed puppy mauls you!

This little guy has been seen "mauling" Miriam lately. Well, at least, she has been seen running around the house screaming and telling Sleepy to "STOP!" while he continues to attack her face. Seriously, how bad is it when you stuffed puppy turns on you?

P.S. To be fair, it is also possible that Sleepy is simply licking her since she has been known to exclaim during an attack, "No lick you Sleepy!"

Heard at the breakfast table after Miriam is offered egg with a bit of cooked yolk in it:

"MOMMA! I no like yellow!!" 

Heard at our house today..

"It's okay Momma, vacuum cleaner will hurt you." While she meant to say "won't" not "will", her little slip actually reveals her own great fear of the vacuum cleaner. Which explains the loud wailing and gnashing of teeth abundant tears earlier in the day when I ran the vacuum for 2 minutes. And I thought she was finally over this....

So in the process of learning to talk like all kids Miriam says some cute stuff. One of the latest involves diaper rash cream. At first she saw the white stuff going on Evan's bottom and called it "ice cream". I corrected her, but the wires still got crossed. She now talks about "diaper ICE cream"!!
So then I tell Brian the cute little story. He looks at me very seriously and asks. "What do you call diaper ice cream?" His answer? "Frosty!"

So Saturday lunch was a little late since we had been outside dumping sand on each other... I mean, enjoying a nice fall day. Due to the late lunch and/or having to leave the sand pile, both of my children were very whiny. They continued to whine all the way through lunch. At one point, Miriam was whining that she wanted ham not the turkey she had. When I told her I didn't have ham to give her, she REALLY started to whine. At which point, I joked to Brian...

Yup, we hear that phrase a lot around here. Miriam has a habit of verbally correcting herself when she messes up a name or description of something. For example, she might describe a toy as blue then say "No, not blue, GREEN!"
She also can not resist bossing her brother around. Makes for interesting times.
She put all this to good use today after being mildly reprimanded for baby talking. I heard her tell Evan, "NO, not 'Dada', DADDY!!" Poor Evan...

We're a football family. At least as far as watching sports goes. Brian tends to really get into the games and yell things at the TV. Thankfully nothing bad. :)
Anyway... this last weekend we were able to watch the last Colt's preseason game. Brian did his normal yelling. No one thought more of it. That is until a commercial for the next game came on later.
Miriam took one look at it. And started yelling. "GO!! GO!! GO!! GO!!! YES!! YES!!"
Too cute!

Miriam (sing): "Daddy! Daddy! God made me!! Mommy! Mommy! God made me!!"
Mommy: "Yes, He did sweetheart, and what a good job He did too!"
Miriam: "Thank you!"

Well, it finally happened... I knew it would and it did the other night. To understand this story you need to know that Miriam has her own cell phone given to her by her daddy. It's a real phone, but it doesn't have service so no big deal if she dials a number. Well, except for ONE phone number, have you guessed it yet?

As I watch this little girl grow everyday, I see more and more what an incredible, amazing little person she is. I am blessed beyond words to have been given the honor of being her mother. Here are a few recent Miriam stories.
Their first argument