Ethiopian Adoption

Lots going on in Ethiopia. Orphanages being closed. Rumors of NOIDs by the US Embassy. Lots of big name agencies involved. You can read about the orphanage closings here.

US Adoption Agency Involved in Child Trafficking

 Can't say that that headline is a shock to much of anyone, and most of us would agree this is a good sign.

Last Monday the US Department of State hosted a teleconference entitled:
"Ethiopia, a New Adoption Agenda." They invited a variety of "adoption stakeholders" and discussed the concerns and issues in ET.

PEAR (Parents for Ethical Adoption Reform) released a response to that conference on their blog. Among other things they said this:
"At this time, due to our serious concerns with the ability of the Ethiopian government and orphanage personnel to properly, thoroughly,and transparently participate in the adoption process, we are asking that prospective adoptive parents refrain from initiating an adoption from Ethiopia, with the sole exception of waiting child adoption programs through agencies that meet the criteria below."

Thank you, PEAR. It makes those of us who have fought so long and hard to help people see the truth feel a little vindicated. But that doesn't mean my heart doesn't brake for my friends who one after the other are learning some very hard truths about their ET adoptions.

If you missed my stance on Ethiopian adoption, you can read it here.

We have been asked over the years why we aren't adopting from Ethiopia again. In fact, our social worker was surprised to hear we were returning to China but not Ethiopia. After all, don't we realize it is considered important by some for adopted children to have siblings who share their birth culture and racial heritage? Yes, we know this, and would love for Miriam to have an Ethiopian sibling. Is it because we somehow dislike Ethiopia? Absolutely not!  Ethiopia holds a very special place in our hearts. In so much as one can love a country that is not your own, we love Ethiopia. Is it because we are somehow unhappy with Miriam or "don't love her"? Don't be ridiculous!! If Miriam had been born to us, we could not love her more!!

So WHY are we not adopting from Ethiopia? Short answer? There is far too much corruption, far too many unethical adoptions, and far too many other questionable gray areas for us to be comfortable considering Ethiopia. (Please note what I did not say. I did not say there are NO ethical adoptions from Ethiopia.) 

For sometime now we have not felt comfortable recommending Ethiopian adoption to anyone. If you ask us, we will tell you to look elsewhere. If you spend anytime in the Ethiopian adoption world, you will quickly learn there are a number of horrible agencies that are to be avoided. An Australian documentary called Fly Away Children helped with that. But we have known for a long time that the problems in Ethiopia run far deeper then "a few bad agencies". The agency we used in 2005 for Miriam's adoption is still listed as an "ethical agency", one of the good guys. And compared to the worst of the worst, I guess they are. But over the years, we have learned story after story that forces me to put the word ethical in quotes when referencing them. (Because those stories are not mine, I am not at liberty to share them; please do not ask me to.  Those stories belong solely to the families who still suffer the effects to this day. Some of the stories are out there if you look for them.)

Honestly, even the few agencies who are still generally considered ethical (there are only 5) have stories connected to them that lead me to believe that any agency can end up facilitating an unethical adoption. And if you look at this PEAR post, it is obvious the problems are not limited to the US only. Even Ethiopia is beginning to admit there is a problem. In this recent article a judge admitted there is little the ET courts can do to prevent fraud, even when they believe the paperwork and witnesses in an adoption case are fraudulent. And if the recent information from Vietnam is any indication, the US embassy/USCIS is also relatively powerless to stop fraud and corruption.

Okay, corruption aside, (assuming you can actually stay clear of it), what about all the children in Ethiopia who do need new homes?  Well, we have come to believe that most of those children do not actually exist... at least not in the age range most adoptive parents are willing to adopt. By this I mean most children who truly have no family are over the age of 10 and most adoptive families want an infant or young toddler.  We see that many adoptees coming out of Ethiopia are "created orphans" (meaning that if international adoption, or IA, did not exist they would still be with their families) and few are "true orphans" (who have lost both parents to death or absolute abandonment).

In a recent article an Ethiopian official had this to say:

This says to us that Ethiopia has reached a point where there is a culture of adoption, where children are placed for adoption because it exists. Very few children actually sit in institutions waiting for adoption. They are mostly coming straight from their first families and going straight to International Adoption.

We see adoption as often being a long term solution to a short term problem in Ethiopia. Yes, Ethiopia has a lot of issues and there is no social safety net, but we do not believe that adoption should be that safety net in most cases. If we can reach families to tell them that they can place their children for International Adoption, why can we not also reach them to help them with family preservation? (Yes, I realize this is all very complicated, and our beliefs are more nuanced than this but if I spelled everything out in this post it would be too long to post! Basically, we are not anti-adoption, but we ARE pro-family preservation!) Again, we believe adoption needs to be moved to its rightful place... the LAST resort. We realize there are many adoptive families out there who are okay with all of these gray areas. We are not.

We as a family have committed that we will only adopt a child who has no other option than international adoption to avoid life in an institution or on the streets without a family. This is actually part of a promise we made to Miriam. Furthermore, we are Christians and as such try to follow the Bible. James 1:27 tells us we are "to look after orphans and widows in their distress".  We do not see how rushing in to take her child away forever is helping the widow in distress. We believe this is in fact causing her and her child great harm. Instead, caring for her, looking after her, and loving her as Christ would means helping her care for her child so she can raise that child right where that
child was born.  We believe THAT is the religion which God "accepts as pure and faultless".

Due to these beliefs we hold, the gray areas mentioned above, and the high levels of corruption in Ethiopia, we feel that we can not in good conscience adopt from Ethiopia nor can we recommend the program to anyone else.

ETA: 8/15/11 Here is a blog that tells just a few of the stories coming out of Ethiopia. Ethiopian Adoption Truth

I've been accused of not being totally honest on this blog, of false advertising so to speak. I don't exactly agree because everything I post is true. But there is some truth to the accusation as well, because there ARE things I don't talk about.

I don't talk about the hard things of adoption. I don't talk about grief and loss, PADs, PTSD, Sensory Processing Disorder, or attachment struggles. I don't talk about the corruption in adoption. I don't talk about the lies told to birth families and adopted families alike, or all the other nastiness that is part of adoption.

Why do I not ever address this stuff even though I have a lot to say on all these topics? Well, the short answer is this just isn't that type of blog. When I made the decision to blog under my real name, and to use my children's names and pictures, I gave up the ability to talk about certain topics. See, a lot of different types of people read this blog... strangers from online forums and list having to do with adoption, real life friends from the adoption world, strangers from online forums and list having to do with homeschooling, random strangers, various real life friends/acquaintances, and relatives.  The people in the last two groups mean that I have to be very careful what I talk about for the sake of my children, these people really know them! The people in the first group mean I have to be careful or all manor of nastiness will be posted in the comments of this blog. I take enough heat in the online adoption world without having to deal with it in my own "house".

Now to the point of why I'm writing this post at all.... I'm getting ready to make an exception to my rule. I'm getting ready to talk about the Elephant in the room on the blog. I'm going to answer the question "Why are you all not adopting from Ethiopia again?"

Celebrations are always better with friends!
We are blessed to have a great and GROWING group of families who have or are adopting from Ethiopia in our region.  Yesterday, Ethioguatemama and Ethioguatepapa, of Casa de Chaos, opened their home to all of us to celebrate the Ethiopian New Year, Enkutatash. We had lots of new members in attendance... I think I counted 13 families, 6 families have their child(ren) home from Ethiopia.  People drove from 2-3 hours from two different directions to converge together.  We were able to share photos, items, food, and stories. The few dozen kids played together and had a blast!!

Coffeybunny was there with SJ and B.  Easties were there. The A Team was there. The M family was there with their new daughter Rusie. We were able to meet Robyn and the Inmans for the first time, along with a half dozen other new families who don't have blogs.

Really and truly, I can't tell you how much of a blessing this group is. We have been home with Miriam almost three years (making our family the first ET adoption of the group) and only in the last 9 months have we had these connections.  It feels so good to finally have the physical, real life connections.  Now if we just didn't have to drive 2 hours. :)   If you're in East/ East central TN,adopting from Ethiopia, and you're looking for a group come join us.

Looking to buy Ethiopian items and help out a good cause?  Check out this little online store. They have clothing, jewlery, toys, decor, and other Ethiopian items. All proceeds go to benefit Ethiopian Orphan Relief. Check it out.

One of the harder things about living where we do is that as far as I have been able to tell, we are the only family with an Ethiopian born child in the immediate area. We have to drive hour and a half to get to the nearest group. Which, as I talked about here, we have started doing. The wonderful thing is that I know of two other families in process who live much closer... and even BETTER, last night we were able to have supper with a third family who is seriously considering Ethiopian adoption.

Well, today we had the awesome opportunity to attend the FIRST ever meeting of the East Tennessee Ethiopian Adoption group. We had six families in attendance with a total of 5 children home from Ethiopia. It was so fun to see so many little Ethiopian-Americans together at once. Hopefully the next time we meet even more people will be able to attend.

Well, the last few days have been a whirl of activity as we get all the paperwork in order, pack for the two different climates (Kenya and Ethiopia), and trying to figure out what we will need for a 5 month old with no Walmart near by. :-)
We are 36 hours out from starting our trip and the beds are covered with "stuff" I have laid out to pack. Brian has been running around getting last minute things, finding tax returns, calling people to set up house sitters and rides.

Today we got a scan of Miriam's birth certificate. It lists us as the adoptive parents, with her name created by the usual Ethiopian formula: the first name is Tideg, which they gave her at the care center, but the middle name comes from her father's first name. So the full name on her birth certificate is Tideg Brian $%^&. Very odd. Her legal name will be changed to the name on this website after we get to the states. Anyway, here is the picture of her from the birth certificate, a "mugshot" of sorts.