China Adoption

They say that blogs generally only show a glimpse of the total story and
often glaze over uncomfortable or embarrassing details. This is
certainly the case for this blog as somethings are simply too personal
to share when one is not blogging anonymously. This was a concession I
made when I chose to use our names and pictures and open this blog to
those who know us in real life. But I do try to always be truthful with
what I DO post and try to paint as accurate a picture of adoption and
the adoption process as I can. In that spirit, today I'm going to talk
about one of those more uncomfortable/embarrassing things in the hope
that it will help those who are in the adoption process.

Sept 13th 2011, I walked into a large room in Zhengzhou, Henan and
waited with my husband and 3 other families for the little boy who I had
been watching grow up in pictures over the last 9 months. I knew only a
little about him. I knew he was tiny. I knew he was delayed and not
walking at 20 months. But this was also not my first rodeo as they say.
I'd been here before. I'd adopted before. I'd adopted delayed children
before. I'd read page upon page and hour upon hours worth of blog posts,
forums, and books about institutionalization, adoption trauma, special
needs, delays, etc. etc. etc. I knew what to expect. But despite all
that knowledge, despite knowing what institutionalize and traumatized
children look like, it was all I could do not to freak out when they
placed my child in my arms. Seriously, I had to fight down the panic.
The child I was handled was nothing like I expected. He was not a
toddler in any sense other then his age. He was not just delayed. He was
SEVERELY delayed. Forget walking! He either couldn't or wouldn't sit up
without support. His head was horribly misshapen. He response to being
overstimulated was to throw his head back and stair at the ceiling, eyes
roaming around. Yes, all those things can certainly be the result of
institutionalization and trauma as they have turned out to be. I knew
that. I did. Yet, I felt pure panic in those first few moments.

And what if I had traveled alone and had no support? What if I
didn't realize that I could be looking at only institutionalized delays?
Or what if I didn't even know what institutionalized delays were? Then
again, in those first few days, how can you really tell the difference
between expected delays and true underlying issues?  What if I had not
committed in my heart on January 24th, 2011 that THIS child was my son for
better or worse? I don't know, but maybe I would have been so afraid
that I would have walked away from one of the most amazing little boys
on this plant. I really don't know... but I do know that even with all
the prep in the world, you can still find yourself feeling panic when
faced with the reality of your new child in a government office in
China.

On Wed morning we went for one last quick shopping trip on Shamian Island. Even if you are staying off island be sure to spend sometime hitting the shops especially Jenny's, Sherry's, and Jordan's. I also found a shop called "A Gift from China", it's right next to Jenny's and has wonderful handmade, high quality, unique items. Prices are set there, but they are reasonable and all proceeds go to a charity helping children.

After one last Lucy's lunch, we headed back to the hotel to pack. We left at 5:30 to catch our flight to Shanghai. All went well and by a bit after midnight we were at P's home.

On the 22nd, I caught a bus back to Shanghai and easily made my 4:10 flight. Everything went very well. I can not say enough how wonderful the flight attendants were and I was very pleased over all with American Airlines. Asher slept a fair amount, but not me. By the time we made it home, I had been awake 29 hours with two 10 minute naps! I am so glad to be home!

After 25 hours of travel and 28 hours awake for me, we are home. Will try to get up some pictures soon.

Today was our consulate appointment, which means we left at 8:50 to be there on time. It was a quick and easy thing. We’ll get the visa tomorrow afternoon.

After that we returned to the hotel and did some group pictures. Without the White Sawn red couches it hardly seems the same. We are such a little group and with one family not here due to going to a different province to adopt a second child and Brian already gone, it seemed incomplete anyway.  We already have a couch shot of the four original kids together anyway.

After lunch and a very short nap on Asher’s part (he woke up when I moved my leg),  our 3 families headed to Shamian Island to do some shopping. I have to be honest it is hard for me to see the island the way it is now. I like the hotel we are at it’s self… it’s very nice, etc, etc. But the area around it is nothing like the island. And the island seems so dead now. Most of the shops are still open (though many close earlier then before), but so few families are about. I really worry for the shop owners. Some are like old friends. Names everyone in the China adoption community recognizes. And the worst part of all this for me, is I feel like a huge part of the community and cohesiveness of the China adoption world is being lost. Certainly the familiar world of almost home that is Shamian Island seems to be gone. Our guide said she isn’t sure our agency will even return families to the island once the White Swan is reopened. For one the medical exam clinic will move next year just as the consulate did in late 2008.  And for another she thought the White Swan would be too expensive. The whole thing just fills me with sadness to be honest.

We spent a few hours walking around and seeing all the beautiful sights and checking out the shops. I got some items but not nearly what I wanted because Asher’s sensory overload is set off by small busy spaces like these shops. We only made four shops before he completely lost it. Poor baby.  Shopping is so hard this time… I don’t have the time to really look, and I don’t have the time to build the relationships to really barter well. So I’m paying more and feeling so stressed by it. Then with Asher’s limits, my time is cut so short. I’m afraid he will not have the nice gifts for later I got Katie. I plan to try to get just a few more things tomorrow but not sure how it will work.

After shopping we headed over to Lucy’s for supper. It was wonderful. Just like I remembered. But much less crowded… actually very empty in fact. Asher had his first french-fry… he loved it. He loved the noodles even more and major chowed down!!

Asher went to sleep easily tonight. He had a long day with not enough sleep. It was busy too. He learned to sign “more” when throws his toys off the bed and wants them back. Smart boy!

The Asher highlight of the day: he reached for me for the first time this morning! Yeah!!

Today after another wonderful breakfast at the China Hotel buffet (it's incredible!), we headed off to Shamian Island to complete the medical exam for the visa application.

The medical exam didn't take long. We had the standard weight (just over 20 pounds), height (32 inches), and temp (normal) checks. A joke of an ENT check... squeeze the ducky to one side then the other, watch kid turn, declare they can hear... shine light in their eyes, declare they can see... look in ears and throat, royally tick kid off. Plus the medical/surgical exam. This part hung us up a bit, so much so the other 2 families completed all three stations before we finished here! The doctor was first interested in listening the Asher's heart very carefully, then fascinated with his hands. (Yes, I realize radial aplasia is very, very rare. Yes, I realize every white coat within a mile will always want to see him. Yes, I'll most likely get mad about this many times, but I digress.) After finishing here we headed back to the bus. Some families went to the pearl markets to shop, but P and I were meeting up with a friend of her's who lives near here.

P and her friend S went to lunch while Asher napped. Then we all three went swimming at the hotel pool. If you stay at the China Hotel, I highly recommend the pool, it was great. Since Asher hates baths I took things very slowly. I sat on the edge awhile and splashed a bit with our feet. Finally I went in holding him. At first he wasn't sure, but by the end he was LOVING it!! It was so cute to see him splashing and laughing up a storm!  While we were there I talked with another family here adopting their 7 year old daughter. I quickly realized I "knew" them from their blog and a number of forums and groups we are both on. Their story is very special. So cool.

Sometime in the afternoon between the pool and getting back to the room, it was like I had a different boy. Asher begin to not only act happy, but to truly seen to BE happy. Laughing, giggling, smiling at me. He made eye contact and played both beside me and on my lap. He let me hold him close and did not fight. He was truly happy to be with me.

S treated us all to a wonderful supper at a local Cantonese restaurant. It was soooooo good. I think the best food I've had yet in China. Asher stuffed himself on rice noodles. Guess he's a Monkey boy who likes a bowl of noodles now and then!! (Daddy, please have a bunch of bananas waiting for us... he's eating 3 a day!!)

We topped off the wonderful day by having a crazy evening. Asher was too wound up I think. And he is also getting hyper vigilant during wanting me with him as he attaches more and more. And way, took THREE hours to get him to sleep. Finally at 23:20 he went to sleep and I was able to lay him down.

Here are a few pictures from our time swimming.

Today I took Asher to be blessed... not at the Buddhist temple where most adoptive families head, but at a local Chinese Christian church. With P, who speaks passable Mandarin, at my side we headed out. Asher was blessed hear the Word read in his birth tongue and to hear more then a hundred Chinese believers singing songs of praise and worship to our Lord.  I always feel a sense of awe when I have the opportunity to sit in a worship service in another country totally surrounded by people who look different, speak a different language, and have such a different culture. Yet despite all that, we are brothers and sisters... and that is a beautiful thing!! It was also nice to see around 20 deaf individials at the church service.

After church, P and I found our way home on the Metro. It wasn't hard and it sure was cheap compared to the taxi, but Asher got serious sensory overload, poor baby. We spent the rest of the day around the hotel. After the visa paperwork meeting with Grace, we and 2 other families headed out to look for a Mexican restaurant. We never found it, but ended up eating at a little Chinese restaurant which was very good.

Asher had some sleep issues tonight. Still does NOT want to go to sleep and kept waking and crying every time I tried to get him in the crib. I gave up about 10 PM and just let him sleep in my bed. He still doesn't care so much about me, but he likes my soft, warm bed and really who can blame him?

We arrived in Guangzhou around noon. Flight went well, and Asher did great! I was so blessed to have an empty seat next to me. It helped a TON!!

Our guide Grace (who is WONDERFUL!!!) met us at the airport. We got checked in to the China Hotel which is very nice. Lovely gardens, pool, restaurants, etc. Room is big, beds soft. Can't complain about anything there. Some how the bell boy lost my luggage on the way in! Took me 2 hours to get it and I almost missed the laundry pick up, but it all worked out so I had my bag 5 minutes before the laundry guy came!

My good friend "P" arrived this evening to be with me for the rest of the trip. It is SOOOO wonderful to have her here for many reasons. We did stay up talking a little late how ever. :)

Asher continues to be hard to get to sleep but once there does well. He is eating better now that fruit is on his list of likes. Most days he has 2-3 bananas along with some watermelon and dragon fruit. I sometimes wear his food because he is NOT sitting in the highchair at all. Oh well, most of these people will never see me again!

Sorry no pictures for the next few days. My camera was packed up and it's so hard to lug out and about with the kiddo too.

Today was our last full day in Zhengzhou. There was no tour planned as our guide Rita had to work on paperwork due to our short week here. So Asher and I didn’t get out much due to this, having a rough morning, and also wanting to Skype with Mimmi and with Daddy. There are also not a lot of pictures from today since it was just me to run the camera.

As I said above, today was a bit rough. For the previous 2 and a half days, Asher has been superficially happy. Plenty of smiles, some giggles, and lots of looking cute. But he was also doing his best not to bond with us… especially momma. He pretended his heart was not breaking, but the vulnerability of sleeping betrayed him and at those times he fought sleep and cried until he fell asleep from pure exhaustion.

Today we turned a corner. Today Asher admitted that his heart is broken and begin to accept his fate. It is hard to see him so sad… to see him grieve like this, but it is the first step. He was just generally unhappy most of the day. Yet he is starting to finally accept comfort from me and not push me away… at least some of the time. He fell asleep in my arms without crying for the first time ever at nap time. When he woke up our guide was in the room and when she left, he began to cry. He cried and would not be comforted for 15-20 minutes. He would start to calm down, then sneak a sideways look at me and start sobbing anew. Poor boy. As hard as this is on both of us, it is without a doubt a step forward.
This evening when we returned form supper Asher was in a silly mood. We had some great bonding time as he rolled around and around the bed. He was laughing and playing a game of chicken with the edge of the bed and me. It is in these moments that I see who this amazing little boy really is. I see the 20 month old personality, not the delays. He is truly an incredible little boy!!
And now for your daily dose of cuteness… with a side of cheese!

We got up early and got ready and left for the Henan Adoption Registration office at 9:30AM. We are in a group of 4 families adopting children from 3 different SWIs. When we arrived one child was already there. We nervously paced watching each car that passed by and finally there they where the two Kaifeng children!! They carried Asher in the door and placed him right in my arms. He didn't cry but look very overwhelmed and immediately showed us his over stimulus response which is to throw his head back and look at the lights and ceiling and NOT at any faces. I walked him away from the chaos as much as I could and was able to get him to sit and interact a bit. I got out the snacks and toys. The orphanage returned a picture and mirror toy we had sent and it was obvious he knew it and was excited to have it to ply with. They said he was a timid boy, and it was obvious he is a sensitive one at least! He only cried when he heard one of our travel mate's son crying.

After filling out the guardianship paperwork we returned to the hotel. Asher would not sleep for his nap, but did eat and play with us at length. He has 8 teeth, 4 on top and 4 on the bottom. However, the poor lil' dude is cutting FOUR molars right now!!! They still have him on formula 3 times a day and once at night if he awakes. No fruit, no veggies, no meat. Just bread, rice, crackers, etc. We'll be changing that soon! He is a little guy only about 21 or 22 pounds. Size 12 months shirts fit fine, pants are too long. He is not walking and his core muscles are very weak. I suspect some of this is the trauma of the day, but he can not sit unsupported at this point. He IS using his hands a lot even his little hand. But will not use them to feed himself. Which means Mommy maybe on a diet once Daddy leaves. : )

They told us he hates baths and that is true so far. Also hates change, but who can blame him for that?

Here are a few more pictures from the afternoon.
 

Today was our second day with Asher and his official adoption day!

Things are going pretty well. We see more giggles and smiles. He will play with us, but is struggling with starting the  real attachment process. He continues to hold me especially at a slight distance. We get no eye contact when we are holding him and he will push away from me. But he will make some eye contact if the other one is holding him. Falling asleep is also difficult as he fights sleep... poor baby. This part is just hard. I'm hoping and praying he turns a corner tomorrow after the SWI visit before Brian leaves. 

Anyway, here is your daily dose of cute!

It's official!! He's a Westhaven Kid!!!

Because I know you really don't care about anything else.... 

We leave in 20 minutes to get our baby boy!!! WOOOHOOO!!!

Yesterday was the Autumn Moon Festival or Mooncake Festival. Our guide gave us some moon cakes to share in celebrating. They were actually not bad. Dry and kind of bland.

Started a bit earlier today then Day One. Left the hotel at 8 AM and headed out through the Beijing traffic. According to our guide, every day 2000 new cars join the 5 million (or so) driving the roads of Beijing.

We first stopped off at the government-run jade factory (read "high pressure sales pitch to buy expensive jade pieces"). They had some beautiful and exquisite carvings.

After that brief stop, it was on the the Great Wall. It was an absolutely gorgeous day... sunshine and mild temps. We went to the Juyongguan section of the wall this time. Unfortunately a lot of other people thought it was a good day to climb the wall! There were so many people and the wall in that section is so steep, we ended up climbing only a short distance. It was still a wonderful experience to be on the Great Wall again!

On the way to the wall...

Photos from the wall...

Yes, there were this many people!!

These are locks placed on the Great Wall. Many had names of couples.

Us on the Great Wall.

Funny sign on the Wall.

Yes, it was THAT steep!!

From the Great Wall, we went to lunch. I got pictures today. It was all very good.. even the sweet and sour fish head!

On the way back, we stopped off at the Olympic area. We saw the Bird's Nest and the Cube. It was there that we had a rather surreal experience. Out of nowhere we heard the LOUD revving of motors and squeal of tires. Suddenly we saw a group of street cars race down the road between the two buildings! They drove around a loop near us spinning out and burning rubber! They did this for 10 minutes or more. It was so funny and surreal to watch the crowds of Chinese men RUN toward the road to watch!

We finished our tour off by visiting the acrobatic show. It was fun and included 5 motorcycles racing around in a steel sphere.

At supper time a few brave souls set out in search of a local Chinese restaurant. The English understanding of the wait staff ended at "coke" and "beer".  A search of 5 people turned up someone who also understood "rice". We ordered from the picture menu and.... well, it was interesting! Thankfully one person liked the very, very, very hot dish we got!!

We are in Zhengzhou!! We left the hotel at 8 AM to make our 10:30 flight. It was a great flight... love China Southern... very comfortable. Arrived in Zhengzhou and met up with our guide Rita. She seems nice. Our four families are spread out more then last time with one family even on a different floor. :-( The men are off at the bank getting money. We plan to make a store run in a bit. Everything is unpacked and the laundry is done and up to dry. Less then 24 hours to Asher day!!!!!

Surreal moment of the day: in-flight entertainment was Mr Bean in anime!! 

After arriving very late on Sept 9th in China and not making it to the Trader's Hotel until 1 AM, we were back up at 8 AM to begin our day of touring!

Our guide's name is George. Since it was raining (bummer) he decided to start us off by visiting the Hutong neighborhood in Beijing. We took a rickshaw ride through the little narrow streets of these old Beijing neighborhoods.

Our rickshaw driver had quite a few near misses as he wove his way between cars, rickshaws, people, and random things.

We stopped at one of the homes in this neighborhood and visited with the owner. He is an artist and raises pigeons to race! There were actually a lot of pets in their home including at least 2 cats and a number of dogs. They also had a very nice garden in their courtyard with flowers and vegetables growing there.

After this we stopped at the government run silk factory (read high pressure sales) and learned about silk making. We saw the worms and cocoons which make the silk. And we watched the processing of the threads.

The next stop was lunch at a local restaurant. Followed by a walk through Tianenman square.

Then we headed in to the Forbidden City. I have to say I am very, very happy we had already seen it once. The rain and sheer number of people and their umbrellas made for a not very enjoyable touring experience.

Still we did see a section that was skipped last time due to the extreme cold.

(note the grass and vine on the roof below.)

This one really made me laugh! 

At the end of the day, we headed back to the hotel and ended up passing out early (like 6:30) and getting 12 hours of much needed sleep!

Working on some posts, had issues with photo upload and jet lag. Will get something up soon about our Beijing tours.

Just a quick up date to let everyone know we are in China!! Flight was long (obviously), but went smoothly. Happy to be here. Need to sleep... 1:40 AM Saturday local time.

Missing my big kids. They had their first day of co-op and Mommy wasn't there to even take pictures! Oh, well. 

"Oh, my goodness!! Is it finally happening??? Is my Mommy on her way??"

Yes, sweet boy, Mommy is on her way from half-way around the world for YOU!! I know it won't be easy for you at first pumkin, but I promise it WILL be for the better! 

We're all packed!! Two checked bags at 30 pounds each. Two carry-ons and one personal item. :)

Here is our packing list for inquiring minds. :)

Clothes For Danielle
1 pair walking shoes (wear)
1 pair of sandals 
5 pair underwear   (wear one)
2 pair white socks   (wear one)
2 bras (wear one)
1 pair knit shorts (double as PJ bottoms)
1 white skirt
3 pair capris- black, khaki, and jean (wear)
1 light jacket for rain   (Colt’s jacket)
Swimsuit
2 tee shirts (double as PJs)
6 short sleeve shirts
watch with alarm (wear)

Clothes For Brian
1 pair of shoes (wear)
5 pair underwear   (wear one)
5 pair white socks   (wear one)
1 pair blue jeans   (wear)
2 pair shorts (one khaki)
2 short sleeve t-shirt (wear one)
1 sleep shorts
4 shirts

Clothes For Asher
6 onsies (3 12 months, 3 18 months)
1 outfit plus pants in 12 and 18 months
3 one piece outfits in each size, 12 and 18 months
3 pair of shorts (12 months)
4 PJ's (12 months)
1 hoodie (12 months)
1 jacket (18 months)
1 swim suit
1 swim diaper
1 cloth bib
1 vinyl pocket bib
3 pair socks

*Toiletries: Danielle *
sanitary items
1 razor
1 small hair brush
1 hair clip
pony tail holder (wear)
chap stick
travel size sun screen

*Toiletries: Brian*
Shampoo (travel size)
Soap (small)
Electric razor
Hair brush
eye drops

* Baby care items *
15 Diapers
diaper rash cream
2 pair plastic pants
1 pack wipes in ziplock bags (divided)
1 portable changing pad
travel size good quality baby lotion
travel size baby wash/shampoo  
2 small soft blankets
small amount cheerios (inside other stuff)
baby yogurt puffs
1 bottle and 30 liners
2 nipples for bottle
1 sippy cup w/ handles
2 baby spoons
3 small plastic bowls with lids
slings x 2 (Mai Ti and pouch)
cloth backpack diaper bag
1 inflatable ball
Plastic stacking cups
other toys- small cars, rattle ball, worm
Sleepy Monkey
Fingernail clipper
Med dropper/spoon
thermometer
Bulb syringe
6 safety pins

*First Aid Kit*
Tweezers
bandaids 
triple antibiotic cream
hydrocortisone cream

*Medications Danielle & Brian*
Vitamins  
Tylenol
Advil
Pepcid
Claritin OTC (enough for every day- Dani)
Nasal steroid spray (Dani)
Sudafed PE 
Cough medicine
Cough drops/ lozenges
Dayquel and Nyquel (tabs)
Imodium & pepto tabs (enough to take 2x a day)
Melatonin
Benadryl (tabs)
Biofreeze
Antibiotic x2
Brian’s migraine meds
Dani’s thyroid meds

*Medications Asher *
Baby Tylenol Cold or cough med
Baby Tylenol
Baby Motrin
Children's Benadryl
Saline spray
Lotrimin AF
Teething gel
Powder Pedialyte packs
Gel suppositories
Phenergan suppositories
Earache med

* Electronics *
Computer (charger and cords)
Camera
Video camera (charger & cords)
extra memory cards
extra batteries/ battery charger
jump drive
Ethernet cables
a power strip
power adaptor kit
iPod (charger)

*Food Items*
Nalgene bottle
single serving packets of ice tea mix and lemonade mix
chocolate
Few snack/protein bars

*Gifts*
4 Red gift bags & 12 red envelopes
4 sheets red tissue paper
4 gifts

Cleaning Items
Tide pen
Febreeze spray in the travel size bottle
Small bottle of dish soap
Small bottle of Tide
Travel Lysol spray

A few clothes pins (for in-room washing)
1 6’ clothesline

*Miscellaneous*
1 lightweight, collapsible dufflebag (green one)
1 reusable shopping bag
Small calculator
small scissors
rubber bands and paper clips
black pen
1 small purell bottle & travel purell pump
antiseptic wipes
2 mini kleenex packs
roll small, scented trash bags
little flat LCD flashlight
travel duct tape
1 box ziplock gallon-size bags
1 box ziplock quart-size bags
2 sets plastic wear
2 small baby wash clothes
vinyl gloves
1 books
paperwork in clear folders
sunglasses

*Luggage*
Money belt x2
Large rolling bag
Large rolling duffle
Green duffle (packed)
Cloth diaper bag (packed)
Large Backpack (carry-on)
Small rolling carry-on
small backpack

to take off!!! Packing and working like a crazy to get ready!! Almost there!!

Just so I can remember...

Decided to start adoption #4, called social worker and CCAI- first part of Nov 2010
Begin working on Homestudy- Dec 2010
Requested Asher's file of the waiting child list- Jan 10th, 2011
Sent LOI- Jan 24
Received PA- Jan 27
Homestudy finished- Feb 8th
I-800a approved- April 6th
DTC- April 15th
LID- April 28th
LOA- June 17th
I-800 approved- July 6th
Cabled- July 15th
Article 5- Aug 2nd
TA- Aug 24th
Asher Day- Sept 13th
CA- Sept 20th

Sept 8th- Brian and Danielle leave for China
Sept 9th- arrive in Beijing
Sept 10th and 11th- tour Beijing
Sept 12th- travel to Zhengzhou
Sept 13th- ASHER DAY!!!!!
Sept 14th and 15th - finalize adoption, wait for paperwork to be processed, hopeful visit Kaifeng
Sept 16th- Brian returns home
Sept 17th- Danielle and Asher travel to Guangzhou
Sept 18th and 19th- medical exam and other paperwork
Sept 20th- Consulate appointment
Sept 21st- receive visa and travel to Shanghai
Sept 22nd- Danielle and Asher leave China for the US

Yes, we are!! So excited. We leave 9/8 for Beijing. Will spend 2 days there then on to Henan on Monday. We will get Asher on the 13th!! Our counsulate appointment is the 20th and I will head home sometime on the 22nd! WOW!! It. Is. Real!!

What's that spell?!?!

Time to get A packing!!! WOOOOOOOT!!

Or more accurately..... TA, as in Travel Approval! Still waiting to hear when we leave! Hopefully in two weeks.
Such a weight off my shoulders!!

Today is three weeks of waiting for TA and honestly, I am drained. I really can't think or write about anything else. It
has been very hard because almost everyone else on the Rumor Queen forum
is waiting only 1-2 weeks for TA. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for
those people, but very sad for me and my little boy who sits and waits
and waits. For. No. Good. Reason.

Photos as interpreted by Momma.

"Ho, hum. I am SO boooooooored."

"Ho, hum. Why am I sitting here in this walker tired to a crib? What is
the square root of pi? Yum, pie! Wonder what's for supper? Why did they
give me this horrible hair cut again? Wonder were they put the scissors
are? Maybe I could cut this rope..."

"Wait... "

"Are you looking at me????"

"You ARE looking at me!!! HI! HI! HI!"

"Bye now. Thanks so stopping by. Tell my Momma to hurry!"

We are finally through all the US immigration/ Hague stuff!! WOOOT!! We are now waiting on our TA (travel approval) to come from China. Our agency says that usually takes 2-4 weeks. Of course, we are hoping for the 2 weeks time frame! :)

We also received an update and pictures of Asher from a traveling family. She reported that "He's a tiny little guy but was so lively and alert, very responsive...
he was waving at us and when I went over to say hi to him he grabbed my
hand and wouldn't let go. He was in a walker and was totally plowing
people down as he scooted around."

Can't wait to get my arms around our sweet little dude!

WOOOHOOO, another step down. Found out today our I-800 was approved on 7/6/11 so we are a week into our next step already!

Also got some new pictures of Asher. These are from early June. It's hard for me to see him back in that stroller. :( Sweet boy looks so bored.

THANK YOU GOD!!!! It finally came!! We have LOA!!

Next we have a number of steps involving the USCIS and the US Embassy. These will take around 6-8 weeks but are a little more predicable then the last step was

One step closer to you sweet baby boy!!

Here are a few pics a traveling family took May 18th.

Well, today is day 40 in the LOA wait. I really thought we would have
LOA by now, or more accurately I really hoped and prayed we would. This
step was running between 30-35 days for our agency, but the timelines
have gone up recently to 40-50 days. This means that Sept is the best we
can hope for for traveling and, if anything else goes wrong, we're back
into October. *sigh* Thankfully I don't believe anyone with our agency
has waited 80-90 days as a number of families with other agencies have!
Maybe next Monday will bring good news.

SQUEAL!!! Another update on our lil' dude!!
These are from 5/6/11 so he is 16.5 months old. He's starting to look like a little boy, not a baby!
They report that his health is good (thank you, God!) and that he is
sitting well and getting stronger. Still a little peanut at only 17.4
pounds! Need to get some meat on that boy! He is just soooo cute! I can
not wait to get to him! COME ON paperwork!!

Yeah!! We have our LID (Log in date) of 4/28/11! This is the date when
our dossier was logged into China's adoption system. This is a big steps
and marks the end of the first stage of the process. Now we wait for
China to review our dossier and give their official consent to adopt
Asher called LOA (letter of acceptance). This step takes anywhere from
30-90 days but our agency's clients have been running between 30-45
lately so that's what we are praying for! In the mean time we have 10
hours of education to complete!

Yes, I'm shouting from the mountain tops! WE ARE DTC as of today!!! WOOOOOHOOO!!!!! SOOOOO glad to have this step over. One step closer to lil' dude!!

The last piece of paperwork needed for our dossier arrived yesterday,
the I-171H, also known as immigration approval!! WOOOOHOOO!! The last
few days waiting were a bit stressful, but it arrived and is already
signed, notarized and certified by the Secretary of State! It will be in
Washington DC by Monday AM, and if the US government doesn't shut down
it should be at our agency's officer on Tuesday! I am so ready to be DTC (dossier to China) which is the next big step!

So this week we sent a care package to our little dude waiting in China. And this morning the SWI very sweetly sent an update with pictures!!

He has the sweetest little smile. It's good to see him happy and even trying to use both of his hands. He now weighs 17 pounds and is 28 1/4 inches tall. Still such a cutie!!

Well, after a bit of a SNAFU involving a certain Secretary of State putting the wrong type of seal on two documents, we finally have our dossier in Washington DC at the Chinese Embassy. It should arrive back here by Friday. (YEAH!!) Hopefully the week and a half lost there will not result in an actually lost in time getting dossier to China (DTC).

We also were fingerprinted for immigration last Thursday! I'm guessing we have about 2 more weeks before we get our approval from USCIS. But it everything goes really well we could still be DTC by mid-April! Fingers and toes crossed!! :)

Asher's SWI has a website. And they post articles and pictures of different things on a regular bases. Of course the site is all in Chinese so it is hard to get around or find much, but you KNOW I've tried! :)

Anyway, last night I hit jackpot!! A video of the SWI. It's long... 11 minutes.... and not all about the children either. But it gives a glimpse of where our little man waits. It actually looks like a pretty nice place... nicer than where Katie was. But best of all... at around the 4:15 mark... there is about 10 seconds of a cute little baby boy. I can't even begin to tell you how much I have stared at that 10 seconds! What I wouldn't give to get on a plane tomorrow! Oh, little boy, I know you don't know I'm coming, but Momma IS coming as fast as I can move this mountain of paperwork!!

In other adoption news, USCIS is still running at 55-60 days to approve the I-800a (BLAH!!), but we have a fingerprint appointment March 17th!! The other 12 doccuments of the dossier are in Washington DC getting sealed. Then they will head to the agency where hopefully they will be checked over while we wait for that last piece of paperwork. 

WOOOHOOO!! We have our completed and approved homestudy in hand!!! WOOT!!

AND our I-800a application is on it's way to Dallas to the USCIS lock box, ETA: tomorrow! Double WOOT!!  Now if USCIS can just pick up the pace and approve us quickly! (HA, HA! I just said USCIS and "quickly" in the same sentence!!)

For the moment we're in the adoption slow lane it seems! Our social
worker finished our homestudy almost 2 weeks ago, but then it took our
agency over a week to approve it. And since our social worker's superior
who also has to sign off on the study lives/works a few hours away we
are now waiting on her. BLAH!! HOPEFULLY we have the study in hand by
the middle of next week so we can apply for to USCIS which is our next
big wait and step. And maybe we'll be able to make up some of the time
we've lost by using a courier after we get USCIS approval.

We are overjoyed to present our second son, Asher George Enhua!! He was born Dec 21st, 2009 so he is presently 13 months old. He is waiting for us at KaiFeng SWI in Henan, China (same province as Katie). He was born with a heart defect and a limb difference. We are told he is "an extremely obedient, well-behaved little boy". HA, HA!!  I'm sure THAT won't last long! "He really likes the feeling of being held – every time someone picks him up, he will make “ge ge” laughing noises. He likes to extend his right hand to touch the adult’s face". Awww... does that NOT melt your heart? We are told he loves the baby walker and "sunshine". And he has two teeth! He is also apparently a very smart little boy because when they have to give him medicine, he holds it in his mouth until they look away then spits it out! Looks like another one I'll need to keep both eyes on! :)
And now what everyone REALLY wants to see... PICTURES!! :)

After sending our LOI on Monday (1/24), we received PA today!! WOOOTOOOO!! More info to come!! :)

Just keep swimmin', just keep swimmin'.... :)
Completed this week:

• Danielle's medical exam completed
• ALL paperwork for the homestudy is DONE and to Social worker!!
• Brian's individual interview with social worker
• home walk through (whew, glad to have THAT done!)

Just one more visit to go for the homestudy!!

Despite the holidays we have made quite a bit of progress in the adoption.

• All the paperwork for the homestudy given to our social worker (only things
  still outstanding for the homestudy are one reference letter has not been turned in and Danielle's medical)
• Learned that child abuse clearances from everywhere we have lived are back
• First joint visit with social worker
• Danielle's individual visit with social worker
• Financial Statement for dossier completed
• Danielle's letter of non-employment for dossier written

We're on track to have the homestudy done by the end of January! Hope
USCIS gets through their backlog by then. (But seriously, what are the
chances of THAT happening! Ha!)

Well despite the crazy business of the season we did get somethings done last week. Here's the list:

• Police clearances county clerk certified x2
• Marriage certificate obtained
• Birth certificates arrived in the mail for Brian and Danielle
• Katie taken to pediatrician for her 3 year check up- health release sighed for all 3 kids
• Vaccine records obtained x 3 kids
• Autobiographies and other paperwork mailed to social worker (will start visits after holidays)
• First fee for homestudy paid
• Completed paperwork for child abuse check in other places w've lived

Nothing else will likely be done until after the first of the year, but then we will be cranking through it!!

It's been a very busy week, but we did get some adoption related things done. Here is what's done so far:

• Autobiography for home study written for both Danielle and Brian (we both kept it to 11 pages)
• 5 page "Parenting Questionnaire" completed
• Doctor appointments made for Danielle and the kids
• Brian's medical physical done, along with all it's paperwork
• local police clearance obtained for both Danielle and Brian
• 3 release of info consents for criminal and abuse checks sighed for both Danielle and Brian
• Birth certificated ordered for both Danielle and Brian
• Copies of birth certificated obtained for all three kids
• Copies of adoption degrees obtained for all three kids
• Contract and fee agreements signed with both local homestudy agency and CCAI
• First agency fee paid to CCAI
• Reference letter requests sent to 4 individuals (2 have already written then and mailed them in!)

WOOOT! We have completed Step 1! Our placement agency has accepted us...again. Yup, we are using CCAI for the second time. And, YES, we are applying to China for our fourth child!  We are so excited to be able toadopt from China a second time! We will again be applying to the Special Needs program, but this time we are requesting a boy. And since around 90% of adoptive families request a girl... well, I think Evan is getting his brother. :)

One year ago today, I began the long journey home from China with Miss
Katie in my arms to unite our family for the first time. One year ago on
the 16th, we first laid eyes on a quite little girl with soulful eyes
and a thumb embedded deep in her mouth. It was such a long journey from
the seed planned in 2004 to the first piece of paperwork started in 2006
to that day March 16th, 2009. It was a rough road full of obstacles but
we held on to our Pure Complete Faith and one year ago it was made
sight. And she was truly beautiful!

And she is even more beautiful today. Full of life. Full of
mischief. Full of love. Full of laughs. Smart, stubborn, and silly. She
was worth every minute of the wait and ever bump in the road.  Love you,
baby girl!

Then.

Now.

WooHoo! The great State of Tennessee recognizes that Kathleen Emma Xinxin has been adopted by Brian and Danielle, and that that adoption was full and final in the country of China.

Yes, this morning we appeared before the honorable judge who signed the degree saying it is so, and now we have the paperwork to prove it! :)

That's the question of the week it seems! Well, it's a bit of a complicated answer as you might expect. The short answer is it could be better, but it could be a LOT worse!

The biggest issue right now is sleep--or lack thereof.  Katie is still not on our time zone. I don't like to give kids benadryl for sleep but we are getting desperate. So last night a dose of benadryl got us sleep from 9- 12:30ish. Then she was up screaming in her crib wanting to play. Second dose of benadryl followed but she really fought the sleep. Holding her, rocking her, nothing worked, so we tried melatonin again... 10 mgs finally put her out at 3AM! She was up at 6 AM for the day! UGGGGGGG!!!

The second biggest issue is that I am not feeling well. I have some stomach thing going on. I get stomach cramps every time I eat... nothing else, just cramping. It's been going on for 48 hours now and my abdomen is actually sore to the touch! I'm really wanting to feel better! Uggggg!!

Things that are going well.... that would be just about everything else!

Katie is eating well. I found things she loves... oatmeal, scrambled eggs, Mimmi's egg noodles in chicken broth, yogurt, cheerios.

Things I can't get in her... fruit or veggies of any kind! That's what happens what you get a child at the age when they are least open to trying new foods.

Katie continues to have a happy personalty despite not sleeping. She loves Momma, but if not too tired will play with Daddy while I'm not of the room. She is always happy to see Momma! :) She likes her siblings. Loves to follow Evan and was SO excited to see Miriam this AM.

Miriam is handling having a sister well. She mostly seems nonchalant about it. But has been excited about having three "hers" in the house now. I think that already being a big sister has made this easy for her. She is a little protective of Evan, and at one point when Katie took Evan's toy, Miriam took it back for him!  LOL

Evan's adjustment... Wow. I am so proud of this little guy! He really has taken to his new role as big brother like a fish to water. He has such a big heart, and it really shows in his interactions with Katie. He loves on her with hugs, sniffs (don't ask!!), and pats. He shares his toys... even ones he really wants... with her. He likes to show her things and is even getting down and crawling with her. See pictures at end of post! :) Really he is being very gentle with her, but I still keep reminding him! More later.

We're back safe and sound at Westhaven!! Yay!! It's so good to be home! We were traveling a total of 33 hours, during which time Katie showed what a trouper she is and Momma got about 2.5 hours of sleep (not together).  We arrived at the airport 2.5 hours late due to a delay in Atlanta (imagine that!), so the kids didn't see me or meet Katie until this AM. They have done so well and I am so proud of all of them! I'm jet-lagged and out of it right now so I think a nap is in order! More later.

Good-bye, China, land of my daughter's birth! I carry away a rare gem, but I leave you a bit of my heart. Good-bye wonderful travel group!! You all have been so wonderful! Many thanks to you all... may our paths cross again!

Hang on family... Momma's on her way home! I can't wait to hold ALL of my babies in my arms!

This post is a back post that I actually meant to write last week, but was too busy. Since things are a little slower today, I thought I would write it.

On Wednesday, March 18th, we drove to LuoHe City to visit Katie's first home the SWI. This was a 2.5 hour drive that allowed us to see a bit of the Henan countryside. We saw a lot of greenery. There were many, many green fields of wheat growing. Our guide explained that wheat is the primary grain in Henan and the stable food is noodles from that wheat. We also drove past large vineyards near ZhengZhou and many fruit trees. The peach and pear trees were in bloom but there were others as well. We also saw what appeared to be "tree farms" or at least many rows of orderly trees. Actually, orderly would be the best description of the countryside in general. I had to look hard to see even one randomly growing plant! It was really very beautiful.

The people who farm this land live in little villages of 25 to a few hundred houses with the farmland surrounding them. These villages looked a lot like the village we saw near Beijing. The houses are all oriented the same direction. There would be one large building and 1-2 smaller buildings on the edges of a walled-in courtyard. There would also almost always be a large red gate/door that opened into the courtyard. The traditional style large building was usually taller then the buildings in Beijing, either 1.5 or 2 stories. There were also many "modern" style buildings with two stories. The most consistent thing about the villages was the construction everywhere! It seemed every home had some construction going on and if not, it was needed.

We also saw a lot of grave sites as we were driving. In Henan the graves are either next to the village or more commonly in the center of the family's fields. The graves have huge heaps of dirt on top and some are marked with a large stone tablet. Many graves also have an evergreen tree (or two) growing from the edge of them.

Here are some pictures of what we saw; they're not the best pictures since they were from a moving car!

Where did Momma and Katie eat?

Today after we got the all clear that our visa appointment went well, we headed out to enjoy a wonderful part of Chinese culture! The Chinese are very good at enjoying and using their public spaces together. It is something Americans could really learn from in my opinion. In the morning, the parks are full of people playing and exercising together. Huge groups play a form of hacky sack at all different skill levels from Grandmas to young men/boys. Women and couples dance all over. Music everywhere from groups playing instruments to larges groups singing. It's just really cool to watch it all.
It was a bit cooler today and the haze was decreased by the rain in the night so we had great views of the river and city. Overall a good day to be out and about!

So this AM we took the children to have their medical examinations for their US visas. We made quite a sight walking down the street at 9 AM today! As always, we turned a few heads! :) Once at the medical clinic, they did weight (22 pounds with clothing on), height, and temp. A doctor did a quick look over and listened to her heart & lungs, then the ENT doctor looked at her. Ears- clear, hearing- good, mouth.... she looked at Katie's mouth, she looked at the paperwork, she looked at Katie's mouth again, and then looked at the paperwork again. THEN she looks at me and said, "She does not have cleft palate. She has cleft gum." Thank you. That's exactly what I thought I saw in there!

It has become a tradition in the China Adoption community to take photos of the children on the red couches in the lobby of the White Swan hotel. So here is Katie, Katie & Momma, Katie and the 12 other children adopted last week, and our whole travel group!

A few pictures from the beautiful White Swan Hotel.

What do these two things have in common? Nothing besides they outline my day. We started the morning late since Katie and I didn't sleep too well. We got breakfast and were on time for our first group tour here in GZ. We went to the Six Banyan pagoda and temple where some families had a Buddhist blessing done (NO, I did NOT have my child "blessed".) By the way, I could feel the spiritual darkness... not the worst I've felt, but it was there.

After the temple, we visited the Guangdong folk arts museum. We also did a little shopping at a big store. On the way there we were pulled over by the traffic police (who aren't real police) and had to sit 15 minutes while they checked our driver! We got back to the hotel in time for a late lunch and nap. After nap, Katie and I checked out the hotel and grounds, and then it was time for visa photos, supper, and MORE shopping! I spent money today! :)

We're safe in GuangZhou tonight! We left ZhengZhou around noon, and while we had a lot of turbulence, Katie did great and slept most of the time. She did have a crying fit right after we landed though!

It is beautiful here, but hot.  I am very tired from the trip and stress of making sure everything goes well alone. We had supper at Lucy's. Boy, was it good! I'm going to go collapse now. :)

Our View:

Ok, this is a post I meant to write on Tuesday after we went shopping at the Lotus center (large superstore) here in ZhengZhou. I'll do it now while I have a minute. :)

So on Tuesday, after making the adoptions all official, our wonderful guides loaded us up and took us to the Lotus center. This was part shopping trip, part cultural outing.  Let me take a moment here to talk about shopping. Those of you packing at home right now, let me repeat what you have already heard. YOU CAN BUY ANYTHING YOU NEED IN CHINA!!  PACK LIGHTER!!! Seriously. Pack only the minimal clothing you need and a few supplies to get you through the first 48 hours. You can buy it all here. For those coming to ZhengZhou, Henan, especially using CCAI, know that the street behind your hotel (Crowne Plaza) is full of little shops that sell everything. You can very easily get there on Sunday evening before you get your child on Monday. (Otherwise, they will get you formula on Monday afternoon and take you to the Lotus center on Tuesday afternoon.)

When I say everything, I mean everything. I saw diapers, formula, baby wipes (FYI, Chinese baby wipes are not as high quality. Bring one pack and save them for nasty stuff!), diaper rash cream, Johnson & Johnson baby care items, Tide detergent, sippy cups, baby bottles, pacifiers, thermos (for hot bottles), toys, clothes, diet coke, TONS of snacks many recognizable, snickers bars, and the list goes on! This was JUST the little shops down the street! At the Lotus center there was even more. I will say the clothes at the Lotus didn't impress me. There was almost nothing that fit Katie (12 months/18 months) that was not split pants. Plan accordingly.

Now the cultural part. First, let me be very clear. For the most part the Chinese people have been wonderful! Many go out of their way to be helpful even if that doesn't feel "helpful" to us like pointing out that we are freezing our babies and they will get sick! :) Some have very sweetly thanked us for adopting our children and loving them. But that isn't the only reaction and the second reaction reminds us clearly WHY we are even able to adopt these sweet babies.  As some of you may know, the Chinese culture is a direct one in the sense that staring, pointing, and taking photos of complete strangers is not considered rude. I know this. I know that many here in ZhengZhou have barely seen a Caucasian let alone one carrying a Chinese child! Then take that times 13! What a sight we are! I don't mind their stares. I barely notice. Maybe because I've been part of a transracial family for 3.5 years or maybe because I spent 21 years sticking out of a crowd like a sore thumb.

What has surprised me is my response to the negative interactions. It is hard for me to ignore these and blow them off as Chinese culture. Let me give you an example of what I am talking about. While waiting for the bus at the Lotus center, a travel mate and I were standing and talking while holding our daughters. Both our sweet children are cleft-affected. Her little one is young and does not yet have her lip repaired. We quickly draw a crowd, but some are pointing at our children's lips and laughing. Some touch other sweet babies in our group and then see their special need and pull away in disgust. It makes me angry... angry for my child and sad... but it does shows me what she would face here if she stayed. 

I don't write this to made the Chinese culture/people look bad. I write it so others will not be shocked at the experience or the emotions they feel in response.

So today's outing was to the ZhengZhou zoo! I would personally have preferred visiting some place that actually represents Henan like the museum or the Yellow river but this is what the group wanted. The zoo was actually nicer then I expected for China, but some of the animals had it pretty rough. Then again a number had nicer living conditions then my daughter had so there ya go. Katie fell asleep in the sling after about 30 minutes so I'm not sure she saw too much. I think it was stimulus overload again! Poor baby.

Katie continues to do well and progress in attachment. This, of course, does not mean that all that progression is rosy. We had a 30 minute crying fit today, but that's progress just as surely as more talking and smiles are! We leave for Guangzhou tomorrow! Woohooo! :)

YAY!! Brian is home safe and sound at Westhaven. Unfortunately the poor guy is sick! He seems to have picked up whatever I had. :-( I, on the other hand, am feeling quite good thank you... although my stomach has been complaining just a touch.

Well, Katie is getting more and more comfortable with me. As I said before she woke up this AM all happy smiles and giggles. Previous mornings (and naps) she would awake and while not upset exactly, there was a "look" on her face that said, "Oh, it's not a bad dream."  This morning that look said, "It wasn't a dream!!! WOOHOO!"

So I've seen a lot more smiles, easy laughs, and happy babble. She has even offered me her snack! *faint* She wants me close, but as long as she isn't sleepy, she trust me to go to the bathroom by myself! ;-) Most of the good stuff happens in the room, but I did see a bit more while we were out today.

For our "trips" today, we went to the playroom in our hotel which Katie enjoyed. Then after nap, our group went to the local aquarium. It wasn't too bad... lots of fish I had never seen and lots of sea turtles. A nice little under-the-water-tunnel thing and a seal show. Not really worth the 80 rmb plus 60 rmb for the ride, but it did get me out of the hotel and we saw a little more of ZhengZhou. Katie enjoyed the seal show and even clapped. She was not as sure of the fish tanks... and since she doesn't quite trust me completely yet to keep her safe, she won't touch anything. Our last "trip" was to a Chinese restaurant across the parking lot from our hotel. It was fun, but since there weren't enough high chairs I had the challenge of holding a baby while feeding myself and her noodles using chopsticks! HA! That was a trip! :) Katie ended up helping herself to the noodle bowl with her hands since I couldn't very well stop her since she was so close to it. It was so funny... baby covered in noodles with noodles hanging out of her mouth and in both hands! I wish someone had had a camera along to get a pic! It was a riot! :)

The "bad" part of the children feeling more comfortable with their new parents is that they feel comfortable enough to test them and see where the limits are! It also doesn't help that there is NO discipline in the orphanage, nor do the Chinese appear to discipline young children at all. They seem to think a crying child should get what they want and if that is not possible (because of danger) they should get a treat (usually sweet food or candy). Little miss is no exception to this. She is used to throwing temper tantrums and getting food. But today she learned that Momma does not reward temper tantrums nor does she allow head throwing and back-arching.  She learned that, yes, Momma will gentle but firmly hold you upright. No, screaming will NOT change that. No, you still may not stick your finger in the electrical outlet and, NO, you will NOT get a treat because you are screaming! You're kid number three... I don't even hear screaming anymore! :)  I will say it was a bit disconcerting that momma's "unhappy" face and voice (along with "no" and redirection) about the electrical outlet incident only made little bit laugh. This one may give me a run for my money in the wills department!

Diaper Update: It appears that my lactose intolerance theory may be right on. No bottles today and no blowouts. She did have a loose stool this evening, but it didn't blow out. BTW, the other blowouts were THROUGH rubber pants!

So a bit more about our little girl!  We'll also do a "they said, we say" version. So here goes.  

They said: "She goes to bed at 8:30 pm and gets up at about 6:30 am. She takes a nap from 1:00-2:00 pm. She sleeps soundly."  Well, that's not much off. She DOES go to bed at 8:30 ish, but she sleeps until 7 most of the time and she also takes a longer nap then they said (2 hours, not one). Once she is asleep, she is out, but she is a VERY restless sleeper!

They said: "She sleeps in her own crib by herself on her back with a night light on. No need to rock her to sleep."
Um, not so much. She WILL sleep in her crib but doesn't care about a light. She does NOT sleep on her back and she LOVED to be rocked to sleep. Just because she learned that crying doesn't get you anything in the past doesn't make it still true.

They said: "She likes to takes baths."  HAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAA! Now THAT'S a good one!! The child H.A.T.E.S. baths.

They said: "She has one BM everyday at about 10:00 am"  Ummm... No. She has a VERY nasty, watery BM 3-4 hours after every bottle. Which leads me to believe that she is likely lactose intolerant. We're going no bottle today to see what happens.

They said: "she hates take a car ride."  Actually, she doesn't mind at all.

They said: "She is extroverted and active; but she is a little afraid of strangers."  That part they got dead on! So far our family is three extroverts to two introverts. This also follows the gender lines in our family for those keeping score! :) Now that she is coming out of her grief shell, she is one active little girl. She will fit right in!

Actually, fit right in is the operative word. She loves music... hears a beat and starts bopping. And is already trying to clap out a rhythm. Which brings us to the question.. Can one be a Westhaven Kid and not be musical? She is a small whirlwind already. I have a pair of those at home, why not have a trio?  She babbles on and on... poor Evan will never get a word in again, I fear.  She loves to eat and giggle when tickled.... don't know anyone like that! ;-)  She sees a camera and IMMEDIATELY thinks you want a picture of her and turns on the cheese. Hummm... why are all the Westhaven girls a bit vain? :) She is a mischievous little imp just like her brother... goes to touch a "no no" looking over her shoulder to see what you will do!  LOL.  Food-wise she already thinks she is an American. She does NOT want Chinese food. Everything they said she eats/likes she spits out. Last night she sat on our bed and ate pizza. Seriously! :)

We had a very long day. We went to see Katie's SWI which is 2.5 hours away. Brian is now on his way home (hopefully safely on the ground in Beijing as I type this). I'm too tired to post more right now and little bit may be up in the night (she was last night) with the diaper from H. E. double hockey sticks so I'm going to bed. I figure I owe my few faithful readers out there about three posts now. I'll work on that in the AM. :)

She's ours forever!!! Yay!!

Seriously, I am the luckiest woman on the face of this earth! I have been give the three most wonderful children ever born to love and raise. Okay, so I'm a little bias, but I still feel rather unworthy when I consider it all! :)

Katie is about the cutest thing EVER! She is going to give her big brother and sister a run for their money and that's say a lot since they are both trophy winning members of the Cutie Club! So let me give you a run down of Katie Day!

We left the hotel at 8:50 sharp and walked about 10 minutes to the Henan office of Adoption Affairs. As we neared the door we could hear the babies crying. As family's walked in their babies were just handed to them. We realized very quickly that Katie was not there, and we were told the two LuoHe babies were running late. This was actually kind of nice because it gave us time to watch everyone else and we were also able to film Katie coming down the hall and someone else filmed for Brian during the actual hand off!  Just like her big sister, Katie didn't cry as she was handed to me. She was a bit anxious, but she has a brave little heart and the only outward sign was that she clung to me finger with her whole hand.  After we filled out the paperwork needed at that time, I put her in the Mei Ti and off we went. She settled in nicely and even gave her daddy a little smile for his silliness. (I think that makes 3 for 3, on Daddy getting the first smile!) Went we got her back to the room, I got her out of the three layers of clothes and the split bottom pants (at least she had a diaper on!)  She loved her stacking cups!! They were a major hit as were the fruit puff snacks.

A bit about her development and personality.  She has great fine motor skills, and can pick up very small items and transfer hand to hand. Gross motor is a bit behind. Her body feels like a much younger child, but in just 24 hours she is sitting better, crawling more, and pulling to stand (boy is she proud of herself for doing that!!)  She is trying to talk and I really think someone taught her "hi" and "bye". She is starting to realize that "Katie" is her and that "more" means more food is coming. :) She has laughed for us and will smile easily now.

Well, I had written almost twice this much about Katie's personality but some how I lost it and well... I'm way to tried and sick to re-write it so I'll post what I have. Maybe I will get back to it later.  Here is a picture until then.

T -25 minutes to baby Katie!!!! We are in the first group of families to get our children at 9 AM. We're excited and nervious!! And Danielle feels awful as a result of her allergies. Hoping and praying all goes well. Only a few more minutes baby girl!! Your life is going to change... and our hearts and arms will be a little more full!

HELLO ZhengZhou!!!

We flew out of Beijing this AM after realizing how blessed we have been the last few days to have such clear weather! The smog has settled in. *sigh* This seems to have really set off my allergies and sinuses... please pray for me that this doesn't get worse (I am very prone to sinus infections).

We are glad to be here in ZhengZhou and are preparing everything to recieve Katie at 9:00 AM tomorrow morning!!! (That's 9 PM Sunday night for those on Eastern Daylight Time.) Our hotel is lovely and we had a great meal tonight following a walk around the city "block" to find some water and other supplies. This is a great place and I like it much better then Beijing (not that I disliked BJ).

Now I better get all the paperwork and gifts in order!

We started out early again, but ditched our travel group for the day even though we like them! :)  Grandpa George and our dear friends Nathan and Portia along with their children E, A, and I took the night train to Beijing to come see us!! They arrived at the hotel at 8:30 AM with a driver to take us around. I can't tell you how good it was to see them!

We headed out to see the Great Wall which was about an hour away. We went to a part of the wall that is not as touristy as the section slightly closer to Beijing.  We rode a cable car up the mountain to get to the wall which in and of it's self was fun. We then walked along the wall going through three guard towers... might have done more but the little girls were tired and ready for lunch. I kept thinking, "I can't believe I'm standing on the Great Wall!!" On the walk back, Nathan and Portia helped us get some great deals on some items.

We then drove back toward Beijing stopping at a small restaurant for lunch. We walked in past a rather inebriated group of Chinese men. Nathan ordered for us. Good thing he can speak Mandarin, because I really don't think anyone there knew English! :) The food was wonderful! I liked everything and even Brian found a number of dishes to enjoy. The hardest part was using chopsticks, there was no other option! The other fun thing was eat right off the serving plates instead of using spoons to serve the food on to individual plates first. Overall a great lunch, and an even better cultural experience!

From there we drove over two hours to the south side of Beijing (actually out in to the country but they still call it Beijing).  This is where New Day Foster Home is located. A friend of Nathan and Portia's gave us a tour, and it was wonderful to see it in person after following the blog for almost four years. We also visited the little gift shop there and spent way too much money! LOL

Nathan then took us for a walk through the village, home to 10,000 people (yes, still a village in China). What an experience. It was obvious we were seeing the real China, not some glossy, carefully presented version, but the real country as experienced by many of China's 1.4 billion people. This particular village relies heavily on agriculture and that was evident in many parts of it. After this tour, we finished off the evening at a local restaurant before driving back to our hotel in Beijing. What a great day!! :)

More photos here.

More photos from Day One here.

We had a huge day today touring Beijing. We started early this morning with breakfast at our hotel and met up with our travel group at 8:30 sharp. There are 12 families in the group, and they are a great bunch.

First we drove about 10 minutes to Tiananmen Square where we got out into the biting cold wind and begin to walk. (A number of us were nowhere near prepared for how cold it was!! I was and even so, about froze my legs off!)  We could only walk past the square as there was a special meeting in the Great Hall of the People so we were not allowed to walk in the actual square.  We then entered the Forbidden City passing under the large photo of Mao. The Forbidden City and Imperial Palace were huge. We walked all the way through and even stopped a few places at little museums. I found the buildings there to be stunning with a lot of beautiful detail work. 

After leaving there we went for a traditional Chinese lunch which was quite good right down to the young lady who did a traditional dance for us.  Then it was on to the silk factory demonstration. Too bad the silk dresses where too expensive to get a child and too small for me!! They sure were pretty! :)  We then drove to an older district in Beijing known as the Hutong neighborhoods. There we toured the neighborhood via rickshaws because of the very narrow road ways that are more like small alleys. We were even invited in to one of the homes there and were able to talk with the resident. It was interesting to hear her rather negative take on the cultural revolution.

After this, it on to a pottery demonstration museum. Talk about beautiful stuff!! After that we were given a short break for supper on our own; then it was off again. This time we went to see an acrobatics show. Brian was so tired he was falling asleep, but it was a very beautiful and interesting show! All in all a very exciting and packed day!! I'll try to post some pictures as soon as I can.. having a little trouble here with that

We're here! It's midnight in Beijing... we are exhausted... 30 hours of flight behind us... big day ahead of us tomorrow! Good night from Beijing!!

We're under 12 hours to take off!! WOOHOO!! I am DONE with everything. Brian is still scrambling, but he had to work today. Mimmi is here... the kids are going crazy! :) Emotionally I'm still doing ok, but I'm not thinking about leaving the kids. I know that they will be fine. They adore Mimmi and, well, she's a great Grandma. Miriam is extra clingy so that doesn't help. But I know they will be fine.

A few prayer requests for those of you who are so inclined.
Please pray for safe travel for us. That our planes will be on time and that everything will go smoothly. That my back will not be negatively effected. No lost luggage, etc.
Please pray for Katie, that she will have peace and a brave heart as she is ripped from all she has ever known by two pale, big nosed, crazy talking people.  That she will quickly realize that we have her best interest at heart. That she will quickly come to love us as much as we already love her.
Please pray for Miriam and Evan that they will not be too upset by the absence of Momma and Daddy. That their hearts will be open to their new little sister. That they will stay healthy and obey Mimmi.
Please pray for our health as we travel and also Katie's health.
Please pray for our travel group (there are at least ten families). That there will be positive relationships built.
Please pray for Danielle as I finish the trip alone. That I will be strong and be able to care for Katie and myself alone.

We hope to update both this blog and facebook so stay tuned for our big adventure!!! Here we come Katie girl!!

We're under 48 hours to take off! Yay!! Mimmi comes tomorrow and I'm getting the last minute things in place. Here is our itinerary. Honestly it's still not quite real to me, but it will be soon! :)

March 11th: Flight to China via Detroit and Tokyo arriving in Beijing at 9:50 PM on the 12th

March 13th- tour with travel group

March 14th- meet up with friends and do some more touring including visit New Day Foster Home

March 15th- Flight to ZhengZhou

March 16th- KATIE DAY!!! 

March 17th- finalize adoption

March 18th- tour/maybe visit SWI, Brian leaves for home in evening

March 19-20th- hang out in ZhengZhou

March 21st- leaving for GuangZhou  

March 22nd- free day

March 23rd-25th- do things to get Katie's US visa

March 26th- Flight to US arrive at 11:38 PM!!

***UPDATE*** This post has been updated to reflect my thoughts after travel!

After going over and over other people's packing lists, I figure I should pay-it-forward and post mine. To be quite fair, I have actually added a little more to this since we were so underweight. For example, I'm taking more meds and a extra shirt for each of us.

T - 2.5 days to leaving, T -7.5 days to Katie Day!!

The LIST!!

***Over all very happy with the clothes I packed. See notes ***

Clothes For Danielle (colors:blue/black)
1 pair walking shoes (wear)
1 pair of saddles  *Almost didn't take these, SO Glad I did!*                                                                                                   
5 pair underwear   (wear one)
5 pair white socks   (wear one) *could have been less, but they are so small, I wouldn't chnage this*
2 white bras (wear one)
2 pair blue jeans   (wear one)
1 Skirt
1 pair black capris *Again almost didn't take, glad I did, GuangZhou is HOT even in MArch!* 
1 short sleeve t-shirt
1 long sleeve t-shirts (double as PJ's)  
1 set long underwear (pants only, double as PJ's) *VERY glad to have in Beijing*
1 pair sweats (double as PJ's)
2 long sleeve shirts (wear one)
2 short sleeve shirt *I ended up taking 3 which was nice, but I could ahve make it with 2*
1 sweatshirt (wear)
1 light jacket for rain   (Colt’s jacket)
1 winter coat (wear) * NEEDED in Beijing*
watch with alarm (wear)
Clothes For Brian
1 pair of shoes (wear)
5 pair underwear   (wear one)
5 pair white socks   (wear one)
2 pair blue jeans   (wear one)
2 short sleeve t-shirt
 
2 long sleeve t-shirts (wear)
1 sleep shorts
2 shirts
1 winter coat (wear)
1 sweatshirt/sweater
Clothes For Katie (colors: pink/match pink)
6 pair baby socks   (pink/white mix)
6 onsies (2 long sleeve)
3 pair thighs *only used once*
2 outfits plus 1 top, size 12 months
2 outfits plus 1 top, size 18 months
4 PJ's 12/18 months (same double as outfits)
1 sweater (12 months)
1 lightweight jacket (18 months)
1 winter coat (18 months)
1 cloth bib
1 vinyl pocket bib
1 pair soft shoes *didn't fit, too big*

***Katie's clothes all fit except the shoes. I bought shoes there and also one outfit. I washed her clothes in the sink, having pants and onesies that could mix and match was a much!!
*Toiletries: Danielle *
sanitary items
1 razor
1 small hair brush
1 hair clip
pony tail holder (wear)
travel size high quality lotion
chap stick
*Toiletries: Brian*
Shampoo (travel size)
Soap (small)
Electric razor
Hair brush
Glasses
Contact solution
* Baby care items *
15 Diapers
diaper rash cream
2 pair plastic pants
1 pack wipes in ziplock bags (divided)
1 portable changing pad
travel size good quality lotion
travel size baby wash/shampoo  
2 small soft blankets
small amount cheerios (inside other stuff)
1 small bag rice cereal
1 bag formula
1 bottle & 30 liners
2 nipples for bottle
1 sippy cup
2 baby spoons
2 small plastic bowls with lids
slings x 2
cloth backpack diaper bag
1 inflatable ball
Plastic stacking cups
Sleepy Kitty
Fingernail clipper
Med dropper/spoon
Bulb syringe
6 safety pins
*First Aid Kit*
Tweezers
bandaids 
triple antibiotic cream
hydrocortisone cream
*Medications Danielle & Brian*
Vitamins & herbs 
Tylenol
Advil
Pepcid (enough for each day- Dani)
Claritin OTC (enough for every day- Dani)
Sudafed PE 
Cough medicine
Cough drops/ lozenges
Dayquel (tabs)
Imodium & pepto tabs (enough to take 2x a day)
Melatonin
Benadryl (tabs)
Antibiotic (Dani)
Dyflucan (Dani)
Brian’s meds
* Medications Katie *
Baby Tylenol Cold or cough med
Baby Tylenol
Baby Motrin
Saline spray
prescription diaper rash cream
Lotrimin AF
Teething gel
Powder Pedialyte packs
Gel suppositories
Phenergan suppositories
Children's Benadryl
Earache med
* Electronics *
Computer (charger and cords)
Camera
Video camera (charger & cords)
extra memory cards
extra batteries
battery charger
jump drive
Ethernet cables
a power strip
a converter & adaptor (may not need)
iPod shuffle
*Miscellaneous*
2 Nalgene bottles
single serving packets of ice tea mix and lemonade mix
Trail Mix (small amount)
Few snack bars
6 Red gift bags & 6 red envelopes
6 sheets red tissue paper
6 gifts (cosmetics sets)
1 lightweight, collapsible dufflebag (green one)
Small calculator
6 mini kleenex packs
1 small purell bottle & travel purell pump
roll small, scented trash bags
Tide pen
Febreeze spray in the travel size bottle
Small bottle of dish soap
Small bottle of tide
Travel Lysol spray
small scissors
A few clothes pins for in-room washing
1 6’ clothesline
little flat LCD flashlight
travel duct tape
1 box ziplock gallon-size bags
1 box ziplock quart-size bags
2 sets plastic wear
rubber bands
2 small baby wash clothes
black pen
vinyl gloves
2 books
2 travel neck pillows
*Luggage*
Money belt x2
Large rolling bag
Large rolling duffle
Green duffle (packed)
Cloth diaper bag (packed)
Backpack
Small suitcase (carry-on)

Well, I have finished spring cleaning the house! WOOHOO! It was really dirty behind the couch... sssssh! Don't tell anyone! kay?

I have also completed the dry run packing. Weight limits for in China flights are tight... even though we are allowed two 50 pound bags each on the trip over, once in China, we get one 44 pound bag each! We also get one carry-on each. As you can imagine, this limits packing a bit. First, I packed everything that I know I'll be sending back with Brian... that came in under 25 pounds! Woohoo! Then I packed everything as I want to have it for the trip over. Bag one, a rolling duffel, came in at 40 pounds!! Bag two, a standard rolling bag, came in at 30 pounds!!!! I still have a few items to pack, but they aren't even close to 5 pounds total.... besides between 10-15 pounds is donations/stuff for our friends which we will get rid of in Beijing! Ok, I'm really proud of myself! I guess the two months of obsessing over my packing list have paid off!

 T -4 days to leaving... T -9 days until Katie-Day!!

This weekend I worked on the food angle. We now have a 10 week menu planned as well as detailed plans for the 17 days I will be gone.  There are 32 meals prepared and frozen in the freezer including those numbered for use the days I am gone. Yup, I'm pretty happy with myself. Now on to this week's mission... clean the house!  T- 9 days and counting!!

We have our CA (consulate appointment) March 25th! This means we are ON for travel March 11th. WOOOHOOO, baby girl, Momma is coming!! Now to buy those plane tickets!!

We got TA (travel approval) today!!! WooHoo!! Our agency is requesting our CA (consulate appointment) and assuming they get the one they are asking for we will definitely be traveling on March 11th.

What nice news to receive on the day Katie turns 15 months!! We will Have her in our arms in a little over three weeks! Double woohoo!! 

Our agency called today to make sure we have everything in order and to see if we have any travel questions. They told us they expect TA (travel approval) this Friday or Monday. They told us that they will had to divide our group of families, because there are so many. This is sad because the families have started bonding and some of my online friends are in a different group from our family. We are in the second group to go. And, if nothing changes, we will be leaving March 11th! Yay! We will have Katie in our arms before she turns 16 months old. While I would love to have Katie a week earlier and travel with my friends, the really good thing about later travel is that we will get to see our friends N & P who live in China! They plan to met us in Beijing and if we were traveling the 4th, they wouldn't be able to.

Now I really need to get busy!!

Praise God we received an update on our little Katie today! I'm so happy. We learned she is 28 inches tall which is 10th percentile on the US (!) charts. She is reported to weigh in at 23 pounds, but I wonder if they are weighing her with all her clothes on. If not, that puts her at 60th percentile on the US charts! Big girl, especially for being a cleft affected kid in an orphanage. Many other little ones have not fared nearly as well!

But the best part of all is that a recent traveler was able to get pictures. And the very best part?? She is SMILING!! Such a sweet little smile it is too!

Yay! Just got the email that our travel visas are on their way back to us! Now if we could just get that pesky Travel Approval....

Not much going on here... just waiting. Waiting on visa's which should arrive midweek next week. Waiting on travel approval... hopefully that will be here by next Friday. I'm finding to hard to get motivated to do the stuff I need to do as a result. I need to clean my house well and put up 2 months of frozen meals, but no motivation here. :)

I'll leave you with a few Miriam-isms.
Heard a lot lately. "Oh no, what are we gon'ah do now?"
Heard when she wants to cuddle with me. "I want to be hers with you."  Apparently when we are apart we are not "hers".

Oh, there is one piece of posible good news. Hopefully by Tuesday we will have a new picture of our baby girl. Another family is traveling to pick up their son at her SWI and will ask to see her and get pictures. *fingers crossed*

The question burning on everyone's mind.... "When will you travel?" Well, we still don't really know. We are still waiting on TA (travel approval) and the earliest I expect that is the week of Feb 16th. Once we have TA, the window of travel will narrow but still can not be confirmed..... we need CA (consulate appointment) for that! CA will tell us when we can come to the US Consulate in China to get Katie's visa to travel here... everything has to be planned around that appointment. So we wait.

In other travel news, we learned last week that Aunt Kristin who was to travel with me will not be able to. While we wish she could, the very good news is that we re-thought Brian's traveling! Now Brian will be traveling for the first part of the trip and will be there when Katie joins our family! There are a number of positives in this not the least of which is that this will make Katie a US citizen when her little feet touch US soil. Believe me, the less you have to deal with the US Office of Immigration, the better for you!  Of course, I have to admit that I am also excited about the prospect of 3 days with Brian without a kid in tow for the first time in over 3 years!

In other adoption news, we are moving right along with packing and planning and getting ready. I need to go over the paperwork again, but now that Brian is traveling there is nothing really to do that I haven't done. My various "To Do" lists are down to only 2 lists and one has only 2-3 things left on it. My packing list is revised and complete (Brian's traveling makes packing A LOT easier!) I have already started packing... Katie's stuff is 95% packed or at least stacked together by the suitcase. Really, packing is one of those things I am very good at if I do say so myself! :)

We had a "Travel Conference Call" with our agency on Tuesday. Not really anything new, but there were 21 families on this call!! We learned that our agency is considering splitting up the group of us who will be going to Henan. I really hope not, but whatever happens, happens!

We are so blessed to get a new picture of Katie yesterday! It is only two days (or so) old, and is the best quality to date. I'm not going to post it publically on here because we have not been told offically that it *is* Katie. But let me just tell you what a balm to my Momma's heart that picture is! She is so beautiful. She looks happier then before and still healthy and well taken care of. AND, she has HAIR!! Oh, and she is so cute.... so very cute. In the words of her Jie Jie (big sister) this morning, "Momma, I want to go get baby Katie NOW!!" Me, too, Miriam, me, too.

Update: Here is that picture!

Praise God we got our “Letter Seeking Confirmation of Adopter”  (also known as the LOA) today!! What does this mean? This means that China looked at all our paperwork and all of Katie's paperwork. This means that they have matched it all together. This means that we will travel to get Katie in 5-8 weeks.

AHHHHHHHHHHH!! Did I say we are traveling in 5-8 weeks??!??? AHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I have WAY to much to do!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

It is with the greatest joy that we present our new daughter. Kathleen Emma Xinxin was born November 19th, 2007 which makes her 13 months old. This also makes her 17 months younger than Evan and 29 months younger than Miriam. She is from Luohe, Henan province, China. She was born with a Cleft lip (repaired) and palate. We don't know much about her, but she is said to be quiet with a ready smile and loves music. Let me tell you about her new name. Kathleen is my middle name and is for my grandmother Katie. Emma is a name we liked. Xinxin is Mandarin and means "faith". All together her new name means "Pure complete Faith".
We hope to travel to China in 3-4 months. Here are two pictures of our littlest sweetheart!

I am trilled to anounce we have PA! I want to write a proper post but I'm on the cellphone for internet. I'll tell you all about our baby girl very soon!

While I'm still thinking about it, I wanted to share something that happened on Dec 7th.  The week of Thanksgiving was a VERY rough emotional week for me. Truly, what you read on this blog does not do it justice. The week following was slightly better, but still far from easy. So it was in a state of emotional angst that I found myself sitting in church the morning of Dec 7th. As I sat there struggling with my fears and anxieties, my loving Father sent me a sign in the form of a little red ladybug. For those who don't know, the ladybug has been adopted by the Chinese adoption community as a good luck charm, and it is said that people see ladybugs before referrals are sent from China. So there I sat in my dark little corner, half-heartedly listening to the songs and words around me, telling God all about how I was feeling. All of a sudden, I realized that I was staring at a ladybug slowly wondering her way around the collar of the man sitting in front of me. A ladybug, in the cold of December, in a church building inches from me. As I looked at it, I knew it was a sign sent for me. And in a moment I knew it's message. No, there was no voice, but I felt the whisper to my soul. It was simply "PEACE".

Yippie!!! We just got the word. Our Letter of Intent to adopt (LOI) has been logged in to the system in China. So, we are officailly LOI 12/12/08! Step one complete! Now we wait for pre-approvel (PA). The agency has sent me MORE paperwork to do!! ACK! I'm so sick of paperwork! But at least now I know WHO all this paperwork is for! :)

On a lighter note, Miriam ask tonight "When are you going to get baby Katie so you can hold her?" When people ask her if she is getting a little sister, she says, "Yes, and Evan is (getting one) too!"  Yup, she is a good big sister!

And that's all I can say right now!

I seek my happiness in the Lord, and he gives me my heart's desire! Psalm 37:4

The Lord is good; for His mercy, tender kindness and syeadfast love endure forever. Jeremiah 33:11

Well, today marks 23 months since we turned in our paperwork to our agency and begin waiting for a referral. Not counting the time we were on hold due to Brian's job loss, we have now waited 16 months. That is one of the longest waits ever with our agency. Things are not looking good for us to even see our child's face before Christmas.

I'm actually doing better than I thought I might. I've been busy organizing our church's Christmas gifts for children who won't be getting much this year. And like they say, the best way to forget your own sorrows is to help someone else.

China's orphanage "donation" fee has been raised to 35,000 yaun effective Jan 1st, 2009. Which means we will now have to come up with between $2,000-2,100 more then we expected. Sigh.

In case anyone is wondering, I'm still here.  I've written a few posts lately that haven't been publish or that I removed after a short while mainly because they are uncensored and dark... and I don't know that I want that out in public.

Anyway, yesterday marked 2 months since we took our file off hold. I can not believe we are still waiting after 2 months. I never expected that.  Next Tuesday marks 23 months that we have been waiting for our referral. Unbelievable. I never expected to type such a crazy thing! Next Thursday marks TWO YEARS since our dossier was logged in in the Non-special needs line in China. Had we intended to adopt a non-special needs child, I would not be surprised by this at all.... but that was never our intent. It is inconceivable to me that not only is my daughter not home in my arms, but I have yet to even see her face!! Talk about unmet expectations. Talk about shattered hopes. Talk about unfulfilled dreams.

There are some lies that adoptive parents feed themselves and each other. One of them is that once you have your referral (or child) you forget all about the wait. Maybe that is true for some, but that is not my truth and I think if more were honest they would admit it's not true for them either. I think the truth is more like a bad labor and delivery experience. You never forget, but with time enough of the worst fades so that your desire for another child overpowers your painful memories and you're willing to try again hoping that "this time it will be different".  There are other lies, but I don't want to get burned at the stake today so I'll keep my thoughts to myself.

One thing I've really come to see in this journey is that it is ALL about expectations. As long as you have not waited longer than you expected, waiting isn't hard (at least not REALLY hard), but the hour you go over what you expect, all bets are off. The wait becomes more than hard.... it becomes painful to a degree I can not even describe. So truly it is not about how long you have waited, but if you waited longer than you expected to.  

I am so tired of roadblocks in this adoption. I am so tried of things going wrong. WHY is no one competent? WHY does everything have to be so hard????? I just want my baby!!!  Is that REALLY so much to ask??

I have learned that the child we were unable to accept has a family. I am very happy for both the child and the family.

First a big thank you to all who have been so encouraging and have kept us in your thoughts and prayers. I'm doing ok... mostly. The right thing isn't always easy and it doesn't always *feel* right. So while I know we made the right decision I still feel really sad sometimes too.

However, I am very thankful for the two beautiful children I have. They are so sweet and WAY too cute, not that I'm bias or anything!  So in their honor a few recent funnies:

Momma was busy raking up leaves and Miriam was busy trying to play in them. A frustrated Miriam ask, "Momma, can you play somewhere else please?"

Miriam during a recent infestation of gnats: "Momma, I'm going to use the 'fly water' to hit the flies!"

I've been MIA recently with very good reason. First, I was really struggling with The Wait as illustrated by my last post.  I really didn't want to subject the blogsphere to my whining, but I also really had nothing else to say, nor did I feel much like writing anyway.

Emotionally, this has been an extremely hard week. The Wait had me in a bad place and then the USCIS struck *again*. Monday we received a letter requesting yet MORE info and an addendum to the freakin' addendum because our social work left out ONE word that was implied by everything else!! Seriously, I think they have it in for us! Our poor social worker is about ready to hurt them, but I *think* that will be taken care of soon.

Then it came. The Call. "A possible match. A child for your family. Are you interested? " "YES, YES, 100x YES!!!"
But as I watched the photos load on my email, I knew this child had a condition not listed in the file, one far more severe. So begin the emotional race to confirm with our doctor my suspicion and to try to research what this new diagnosis would mean for this child and our family. The answer: no way to know for sure until the child is here the true severity. Certainly years and years of therapy (some of them daily), possible surgeries, and no certainty of outcome. I have no doubt that this child will make a wonderful addition to some family. However with much soul searching we do not feel that we are the best family for this little one due to already have two young children in our home. We do not think it would be fair to this little one or to Miriam and Evan. So this AM, I made the difficult call to our agency.

All that said, this was a very hard decision and I write about it in part so that others who walk this road will know they are not alone. I doubted myself. We had always believed whatever referral God sent we would accept, certainly that is what we would do if we gave birth to this child. I looked at the pictures and did not see my child. But was that just my selfishness? Was that just me not wanting a child who would require SO much time and energy and change to our family life? Was God trying to tell me to stretch in a different direction than I had planned? Certainly, I felt for this child. I want this child to have a family. To have medical care and therapy. To be able to reach their full potential. It was so hard.

Finally, Brian said that if I was really convicted that this was what God wanted he was game, but otherwise he didn't think we were the best family. Then I realized that I felt different about this child than I did when I saw Miriam and Evan's referrals. With Miriam, I knew she was mine for the moment the phone rang. Never a doubt, never a question. With Evan, we were not even looking for his adoption... he was our miracle, fall-in-your-lap, never-happens-that-way adoption. I didn't *know* when I saw Evan's pictures and info that he WAS my son. But he pulled at my heart in a way this little one did not. And perhaps more importantly, I was ready for anything with Evan. We were told that he had been evaluated as mildly cognitively delayed, severely speech delayed, and severely physically delayed. But I KNEW without a doubt that he was fine and even if he wasn't, I KNEW we would be ok. I did not feel that with this little one.

But WHY would God send us this file? That question continued to bug me. This morning I received two possible answers.

1. I am perhaps the only waiting parent with our agency who could have looked at that photo and IMMEDIATELY knew the correct diagnosis.  I'm not sure our wonderful doctor would have known right away if I hadn't pointed her in the right direction (this is a very rare condition, one she has never even seen). How *I* came to be able to recognize it is completely a God thing. So perhaps we got this referral so that the correct diagnosis could be identified and our agency can find a family who is ready for that diagnosis. Perhaps we saved another family from the REAL pain of falling in love with this child and THEN learning the truth and having to say no. Or even worse, disrupting the adoption in China when they saw the truth.
2. Perhaps this is yet again God's way of buying time so our little one can make her way to our agency. I don't know. All I know is we are still looking for our little XinXin. Hang on baby, Momma is looking for you!

Another Friday come and gone, and other week is history without my phone ringing... well at least without it ringing with the *right* phone call. 22 months of waiting, and I'm really starting to feel it. I fear my patience is limited. Too much longer and I'm going to need a padded room.....

What a crazy week this has been. Saturday we had a get together with our local Guatemala Adoption group at the park.  It was a small group this time, but nice to see everyone.

Then Sunday I got sick. Really fast. With flu like symptoms; sore throat, head ache, fever, chills, aches. UGGGGG. Monday was NOT fun. I was hitting the Tylenol trying to stay ahead of the fever long enough to keep up with the kids. Lets just say I heart PBS!!  But even an unending supply of TV didn't tempt my crazy duo for long and by 11 they were wreaking the house while I lay on the couch under blankets.  Thank God they still take naps!  But I'm better now except for a nagging sore throat when I eat certain things.

Today is a good day in another way. Today our adoption is OFF HOLD!! WOOOHOO!! Really, I wasn't sure it would ever happen, but it has. Now we get to wait again but this time it is for a referral; at least we are back in line. :)

Multiple answered prayers to report tonight. First, little Susannah is much better and on her way to the US with her new family!! What a miracle!!  Second, Brian FINALLY has a job offer, he is still negotiating, but hopefully we will have something signed in the next week! Whooohooo!

I have been following the blog of a wonderful family on their journey to their daughter who is a special needs child in China.  They are in China right now at her bedside in a horrible hospital.  They desperately need all of our prayers... they desperately need a miracle to save her life.  China has not given the family legal custody and without it they can not demand that the little girl be transferred to a hospital that can actually help her.  This is a God size task! Please pray for strength for the family especially Leslie, the mother. And pray for Susannah, the little girl.

Brian has a job interview today.  If he gets this position, we will have benefits again.  Which means we can come off of hold with our adoption agency.... and this adoption MAY happen someday.

At last, after the big fiasco of last month, we got our I-171H approval today! Yea! So we're in the clear for 18 more months before we have to file again. (Please God, don't let us have to file again!)

Seriously, I think our local office has nothing better to do then to see what issues they can cause families! We filled everything in Feb to renew our I-171H and FIANLLY today we get a letter from them. BUT, of course, it could not be the new I-171H. Oh, no, of course not! They want more info. On what you ask?

Our agency reports:

"The CCAA has finished the review of the adoption application documents
      registered with our office before December 31, 2006."

YES!!!  Thank you, God! This means that China has look at all the paperwork we submitted Dec 11th, 2006 and has approved us!! I haven't been this happy about this adoption in a LONG time!!

Conversation with Miriam last week.

Miriam: "Who this?" (points to self)

Mommy: "Miriam?"

Miriam: "No!  I Sissy! That's Brother." (points to Evan)

Mommy: "That's right Miriam.  Evan is your little brother and you are his big sister."

Mommy: "Do you want a little sister?"

Miriam: (pause) "Not really." 

We have just returned from a week long trip to see Mimmi and also saw Grandma W. for a few hours.  The kids had a great time, although Evan missed his Daddy as always.  Evan was actually a bit mad at Daddy when he first showed up again.  I'll post pictures later...

Well, at least our fingerprints are in the USCIS system again.  We drove to Charlotte NC today and were re-fingerprinted.  It went very well and I must say I like the Charlotte office a lot.  We were in and out in 20 minutes ... it would have been 15, but we had to take turns to watch the kids.  Now that that is done we have done everything we need to do to update our paperwork.  Just sit back and wait, and wait, and wait some more!

I found a couple of You-tube videos of Amanda de Lange from Chinese Starfish. I wrote about her blog here.

Interview with Amanda: Part I

Interview with Amanda: Part II

WOW! WOW!

An online friend, Erin of Full House, Full hands, Full Heart, has a new job as HIV adoption Coordinator for her agency. This morning she reported that her agency had persuaded China (Yes, CHINA!) to "try" placing HIV+ children. This is SO huge. Please read her post copied below and SPREAD THE WORD!

For those wondering... Yes, we are still adopting from China... someday... God willing...

Seriously, the wait times are crazy, and we really do not know when it will happen.  Right now we are updating all our paperwork, because besides the changes (Evan's adoption), all the paperwork expires every 18 months.  I am reminded how much I hate paperwork. 

The follow letter from Amy Eldridge, founder of Love Without Boundaries, has been posted on a number of forums and lists that I visit. It is a real tear jerker... I think I'll let it speak for it's self.

I thought from time to time I will talk a little bit about some of the blogs that I read.

First up there is Chinese Starfish.
This is the blog of a South African woman living in China running a foster home for children with special needs. Her story is interesting, heartwarming, sad, and a powerful testimony to the good still in this world.

I love reading this blog for so many reasons. It gives me a look into the culture of my future daughter. It allows me to feel a connection to real children in China. But perhaps the biggest thing is that, if I were single, I would love to to be doing exactly what Amanda is.