Expectations
In case anyone is wondering, I'm still here. I've written a few posts lately that haven't been publish or that I removed after a short while mainly because they are uncensored and dark... and I don't know that I want that out in public.
Anyway, yesterday marked 2 months since we took our file off hold. I can not believe we are still waiting after 2 months. I never expected that. Next Tuesday marks 23 months that we have been waiting for our referral. Unbelievable. I never expected to type such a crazy thing! Next Thursday marks TWO YEARS since our dossier was logged in in the Non-special needs line in China. Had we intended to adopt a non-special needs child, I would not be surprised by this at all.... but that was never our intent. It is inconceivable to me that not only is my daughter not home in my arms, but I have yet to even see her face!! Talk about unmet expectations. Talk about shattered hopes. Talk about unfulfilled dreams.
There are some lies that adoptive parents feed themselves and each other. One of them is that once you have your referral (or child) you forget all about the wait. Maybe that is true for some, but that is not my truth and I think if more were honest they would admit it's not true for them either. I think the truth is more like a bad labor and delivery experience. You never forget, but with time enough of the worst fades so that your desire for another child overpowers your painful memories and you're willing to try again hoping that "this time it will be different". There are other lies, but I don't want to get burned at the stake today so I'll keep my thoughts to myself.
One thing I've really come to see in this journey is that it is ALL about expectations. As long as you have not waited longer than you expected, waiting isn't hard (at least not REALLY hard), but the hour you go over what you expect, all bets are off. The wait becomes more than hard.... it becomes painful to a degree I can not even describe. So truly it is not about how long you have waited, but if you waited longer than you expected to.
I could not agree more.
I could not agree more. While I know my wait has not been anywhere near yours, when I laid eyes on my little boy in late May I never dreamed that he would not be home at least for Christmas. I hope and pray that you will see your little one's face very soon. P.S how long from referral to travel for China special needs?
ugg
Crystal, I'm so sorry your son will not be home for Christmas! I can not imagine waiting that long knowing who my child is, but unable to get to him/her. That must be it's own special kind of torture... because then you don't even have the whole "this-wait-is-bringing-us-to-our-perfect-child" line to hang on to AND you are worried about the child's well being! I hope to hear you are on your way to him very soon!
And to answer your question, generally families travel 3-5 months after referral. Lately families with our stats (LID, etc) travel right at the 3 month mark, but we will now be caught in Chinese New Year and I don't know if that will add a month to the wait or not.
I'm sorry that you have had
I'm sorry that you have had to have such a long wait. For me, the hardest part was not knowing when. When we submitted our dossier to China, the wait was 6 months. It took 16 months for us to get our referral. If we had know it would be a 16 month wait from the beginning, it wouldn't have been so bad. You are probably correct compairing a bad labor with the adoption wait. I remember the wait for Candace, but I can't remember how bad it actually felt. You are in my prayers.
Lynn
I check your blog everyday
I check your blog everyday hoping to see that you have gotten your referral. I am so sorry that hasn't happened yet. I won't say it will happen when it is supposed to or anything like that. You are in my prayers and hope to see you all Friday night at the Christmas party
****Hugs****
My heart goes out to you. You are absolutely right in the fact that we can mentally handle situations better that we fully expect and plan for. But, we cannot be expected to hold it together all the time when it's about our families, our children, children in need. So, I'm glad you are venting. ****more hugs****
Danielle- I hear you, girl.
Danielle-
I hear you, girl. Of course, when we have been told by our agency to expect 10-12 months, we set our expectations accordingly. I hope you get to REALLY celebrate this Christmas!
Marcy (CCAIWCP Yahoo Group)
(((HUGS))))! I can't imagine
(((HUGS))))! I can't imagine what you are going through, but you are in our thoughts. I hope to read REALLY soon that you have the referral that you have been waiting for for so long. Hang in there!
No right words
Hi Danielle,
Just wanted to let you know your in my prayers tonight, for strength and a peace that passes all understanding. If your anything like myself your feeling blue, in its darkest shade. I don't doubt God's sovereignty or the ability to get you through the valley. But sometimes at least for me I wish he didn't feel I could handle all He has given me. I continue to check in to hear that life is on the mountain top for you. Hugs, Mugsey (CHSFS)
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